Friday, December 26, 2008
However I received some great gifts 'early'
Season 4 of Doctor Who on DVD
Season 1 & 2 of Skins
Some books :
Scheisshaus Luck - Pierre Berg
Reading the Holocaust - Inga Clendinnen
The Writers Tale - Russell T Davies and Ben Cook
Plus the usual clothes :)
My rant though is about text speak. Ok - Text speak R U there will b L8 etc etc is designed for an SMS text messaging service over a mobile / cell phone network to enable to you relay your message in the quickest amount of time with the least amount of characters. What SHITS me is when people comment on blogs, youtube channels etc using the aforementioned text speak.
Nothing screams 'uneducated moron' or 'lazy' more than when I see people leaving comments on other peoples site in text talk when the little comment box is enabled to allow the person to write complete words! I'm not fussy on the punctuation. I mean I'm the last person to comment on others punctuation and or spelling ability! However is it that hard to write a full word out like
I think your video is great instead of I tnk ur vid is gr8t
Urg!!! Maybe it's a sign I'm either
a) Getting old or
b) I am OLD!
The English language is a wonderful tool that enable us to communicate and express ourselves. Why waste it by shortening it and murdering it when it's not on a mobile phone!?!
That's all I've got :)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
So thanks to the ailment police (A relative of the Karma police) I’ve got conjunctivitis for Christmas which is contagious- WOOOHOOO no extended family (i.e the cousins on my mum’s side whom I can’t stand) to annoy me as they will steer clear of me in case they may get infected :)
Looks like Christmas just picked up for me – poxy eye and all!
That’s all I’ve got
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I was talking to my sister in law who's a Mcmassive Harry Potter fan - she'd also not heard of Stephanie Meyer's work (Yes we live in a cave!) however she told me of the story about how J.K Rowlings wrote Harry Potter in a Cafe' (Insert groans here)
I struggle at times to write, and it's something I need to work on, however my best ideas do seem to pop into my head at 2am - and most of the sci-fi stuff I've written have in fact been my dreams!
Anyway.. I'm roughly 287 pages in and I'm thinking if I have it finished by the weekend (With all the family bullshit about to fall out of the sky!) then I'll try and get to the cinema next week to see the movie - though reviews so far of it have kinda fallen short.
I was annoyed when I read Hannibal, and then went to the cinema with my best mate Peter (who had a weak stomach, and we had to pack a vom bag for him) to find they had changed the ending.. I bloody hate that! In fact I've not read a book that's become a 'movie' since that event. (In other words I've not read any Harry Potter!)
Does the book do the movie justice? Or does the movie do the book justice? As a writing major I'd have to say that done well the Movie does the book justice!
If I don't get a chance before hand, those who celebrate Christmas. Merry Christmas I hope you enjoy it - others who don't have a nice holiday, and hopefully a nice time catching up with friends and family.
That's all I've got
Friday, December 19, 2008
Today I received in the mail the December edition of a writing magazine I subscribe to.
a) The spell check was having a moment.
b) The proof reader has already checked out for the holidays.
c) I’ve been spelling STREET incorrectly all these years!
I found this highly amusing – obviously enough to share on here!
Suddenly my fear of not putting a comma in the correct place or getting where and were mixed up when writing, seems to be subdued.
Even in the corporate ‘writing’ world spelling mistakes occur.
That's all I've got
Thursday, December 18, 2008
So I'm going to get in early this year with my new years resolutions which I came up with at 2am this morning, whilst waiting for the Air-conditioning to kick in to cool me off at the ridiculous temp of 28c at TWO in the MORNING!! So you can imagine just how hot it is here today!
New years resolutions for 2009
1) Read more: As a writing major I have read sweet FA of other peoples work, and if I stand a chance of being a half decent writer. I should absorb the wonderfulness of others. So I am going to try and read at least ten books in 2009 - that's about one a month with Uni etc on top of all that. If I manage to do this I'll be quite impressed. I'll keep a list of what I read and what I thought. I've stated with Twilight - by Stephenie Meyer after almost everyone I know has said 'Oh my god have you read her she's brilliant' I've literally just started yesterday, and so far so good I must say.
2) Write more: I've been on holidays for a month and I've only written on here and also a short couple of ideas that have been floating around in my head for a while though neither of those pieces has real substance right now, however they are a work in progress, which I will pursue. With my aim in writing more is to 'try' and write at least once a day. Either on here, or just some exercises from the various writing books I've had to purchase for Uni thus far - Fuck I've parted with my cash for them all. I might as well take full advantage of them!
So now it's here in writing. This is the proof of my early 2009 new years resolutions. I'll keep you updated as to the success of it all.
That's all I've got :)
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Is there a formal way of reply to that statement? I’m not sure – but this is part of my response.
How would marrying me have made a difference?
I suppose I should fill in the background to the lead up to the above exchange and the conversation that followed.
I was at a friend’s birthday party last night, and one of the guests was my friend we’ll call him Mr X. Mr X was my best friend, he and I lived together as ‘flatmates’ ‘roomies’ ‘cohabiters’ whatever label you want to put on it, at various houses, flats, apartments in Brisbane over several years. I’ve known him since high school, however when he got married a few years ago he moved away, and well people drift apart, lives go on etc. Last night was the first time in what felt like forever since I’d seen him, and as always the time apart seems like nothing when we’re together. Two years could pass, and it would feel like I only seen him just last week.
Mr X was at this party of a mutual friend solo. His wife was visiting her mother so it was the first time in 3 years since he and I had really spent time alone together, as we had in the past.
As the evening progressed our group that has split off (As you do at parties) got talking about ‘old times’ re stuff at school, and also times we all shared in Brisbane together. We spoke of half naked runs down quiet suburban streets, alcohol consumption that has done irreversible damage to our livers, overall ‘good times’ when Mr X just comes out with the statement of the night ‘I should have married you’ looking straight at me, and taking hold of my hand. Now one could be quick to say it was the alcohol talking, but then he repeated the statement with ‘Seriously I should have married you Sal’
My friends husband spoke up and said ‘You can’t marry Sal, you’ve got the wrong bits for her!’ trying to make light of the situation, which I was thankful for. However there was a long pause before I said the following.
‘Mr X, I love you, I do, you were my best friend, and we had the best of times together, however how would marrying me have made a difference?’
‘Because you’re fun, you can take a joke, have a laugh, like the same movies and TV shows that I do’
‘I can be all those, and not be your wife’ was my response
He slumped back in his chair, and agreed before getting up to get another drink. The others in the group looked at me, watched him leave before another friend of mine’s boyfriend who’s a fuckwit, came out with the cutting line which fucked me right off “It’s a shame you’re gay Sal cause you and him would be perfect together.”
I then unleashed a rant of abuse onto him, as that was a fucked thing to say. Its not like I woke up one day and thought Hmmm might be a lesbian today! Woohoo! I think of all the male friends I have, and how much ‘easier’ life would be if I could just like men ‘like that’, but I don’t. Yes I’m in a minority, but there’s fuck all I can do about it as I like women, it’s that simple. I can’t ‘live a lie’ and pretend to like men, as I know when if comes to it the darkness of not allowing myself to be me would just swallow me up.
I’ll most likely be alone for the rest of my life, which at times really does suck, however it’s probably a good thing that I’m fond of my own company.
That’s all I’ve got
Friday, December 5, 2008
1. What's your name?
2. What is your favourite thing to wear?
Jeans, T-shirt, shorts if it’s hot. I’ll make the statement here in writing – There are no items of clothing belonging to me that fits under the name dress or skirt.
3. Last thing you ate?
Strawberry Yoghurt, Toast, Cup of tea for breakfast
4. One place you will NEVER eat at?
5. I say Shotgun, you say:
Fuck – I hate the backseat
6. Last person you hugged?
7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
Not that I’m aware of – though if you’re out there I’m single and available!
8. Would you date anyone you met online?
Yeah I’ve already done that. Just to recap… I’m single and I’m available :P
9. Name something you like physically about yourself:
I’ve got a nice smile apparently
10. The last place you went out to dinner to?
Chinese for a mate’s birthday
11. Who is your best friend?
I don’t have one.
12. What time of the day is it?
13. Who/What made you angry today?
The day’s only just started so give me time.
14. Baseball or Football?
Neither Tennis all the way!
15. Ever gone skinny dipping?
16. Favourite type of Food?
Can’t go past home cooked meal, though I love Chinese food
17. Favourite holiday:
When I was young – Christmas, but now as an adult I see it for all it’s commercialised bullshit!. I love chocolate so Easter!
18. Do you download music:
Yeah I’ve got itunes!
19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
I do – because they make my feet feel strange
20. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?
I’ve got one – so next question.
21. Would you date the person that posted this?
Nah, he’s male, and taken! Though if I was straight and a few years younger…
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Yeah I had a girl sing me a ‘love’ song she wrote for me once.
23. Do you love anyone?
Yeah I love my family, my little nephews, as for being ‘in love’ see question 7 and 8 :P
24. Are coloured contact lenses sexy?
What an odd question!?!
25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
28. How many pets do you have?
I have a dog :)
29. Have you met a real redneck?
Mwahahahaahahah I live in Australia’s redneck capital!
30. How is the weather right now?
Overcast and humid
31. What are you listening to right now?
New Nickelback album
32. What is your current favorite song?
Don’t know that I have a favourite. However the song currently playing is ‘Something in your mouth’ by nickelback
33. What was the last movie you watched?
Wanted – Angelina Jolie in all her tattooed glory ;)
34. Do you wear contacts?
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
The bank yesterday afternoon.
36. What are you afraid of?
Unemployment, wasting my life, not ever achieving security of being able to pay the bills and live above the poverty line.
37. How many piercings have you had?
Ears, Tongue, though currently only have ears
38. What piercings do you want?
I’m happy with what I’ve got
39. What's one thing you've learned this year?
That Uni is harder than I thought. That I can actually write after receiving distinction marks for my writing – which kind of rocks!
40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Starbucks? WTF is that!?! *lol* No seriously there’s no starbucks in my 250KM radius, so consequently I don’t ‘order’ anything from there.
41. What Magazines are you reading?
The write stuff – a locally produced writing magazine.
42. Have you ever fired a gun:
43. Are you missing someone?
I am yes
44. Favourite TV show?
Doctor Who and The X-files are tied
45. Do you have an obession with WoW?
I don’t know what WOW is?!? (Does that mean I’m old)
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
47. What celeb do you look like?
Hilary Swank from ‘boy’s don’t cry’
48. Who would you like to see right now?
A single lesbian who’s not got ‘needy’ issues!
49. Favorite movie of all time?
Is it possible to pick just one??? 28 days later The zombie one not the bloody one with the chick from speed in it!
50. Do you find yourself loved?
My family loves me, but that’s kinda by default. Other than that – No
51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
This is a very open ended question! I got caught breaking into a friends house once when they had locked themselves out (Which doesn’t count as break an enter!) and the shitty old bastard next door called the police!
52. Favorite smell?
Rain on bitchemen. Home cooked roast dinner ;)
53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
I’m allergic to corn so none
54. What's something that really bugs you?
Rude people, people who can’t indicate whilst driving, violence in general
55. Do you like Michael Jackson?
The old ‘thriller’ one yes – the new plastic bag face – I feel sorry for.
56. Taco Bell or Burger King?
We have neither so I can’t answer
57. What's your favorite perfume?
58. Favorite baseball team?
59. Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
No, but I’ve worked for one :P
60. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
61. Last time you went bowling?
When I was about 17
62. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Photobooth at the top of Mt Cootha in Brisbane – after a big night
63. Who was your last phone call?
64. Last time you were at work?
65. What's the closest orange object to you?
Monday, December 1, 2008
I’m not a fan of grocery shopping, and today was grocery shopping day. I’m a list shopper – I make a list of what I need before going into the store, so it can be as quick and painless as possible. I got in and out with a ‘proper’ order (That’s a shopping trolley full) in less than 35 mins – that includes getting through the checkout which the local grocery store has 12 isle with only 2 working! Welcome to the boonies!
So it’s been almost 3 weeks since I made an entry here – slack arse! It’s not like I’ve been ‘busy’ I’ve slipped into Uni student holiday mode far too easily, in fact I’m thinking why didn’t I study earlier in life? I’m sure I’d have been happier sooner. This is the first time I’ve had off in 10 years. It’s quite strange to wake up whenever wander about, filling your days with well nothing much, and then turning around and doing it all again! (This occurs on the weeks I’m not taking my mum to the city for treatment)
This is the final week of my mum’s radium treatment, and it’s starting to take its toll on her, she’s suffering very badly from nausea and dizzy spells. However 4 treatments to go and she’ll be free of it. Then the toxic medication starts. I’m not sure how that will effect her. I hope not too badly. There’s such a feeling of helplessness to see your mother sick (Or any parent / loved one) as you know there’s nothing you can do other than assist where you can, if I could wave a magic wand and take it all away for her I would, but I can’t. It really rings home though about how bad others have it in life. As I said one before – I’ll be quick not to complain about a headache in the future – as there’s a heap of people out there worse off than I am.
I’m off to chop up onions and try not to cry.
That’s all I’ve got
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I’d tell my young self that family is the most important thing in life. I’m blessed with a good one, and that true friends are the ones who will drive five hours to be by your side. That ‘friend’ in particular I should tell them how I really feel before the opportunity passes forever. I’d tell my young self to appreciate and take more time with my family members especially my grandparents as they won’t be around forever. Be ‘sponge’ like around my grandfather as his knowledge is by far the most plentiful you’ll ever experience for a long long time, and his knowledge is free and from the best source of all love.
But most of all I’d tell my young self not to be afraid of the feelings I had for girls. That there’s nothing wrong with liking your best friend who’s a girl, and that society will be much more supportive of its gay citizens in the future.
After this ‘advice’ I think I’d like to visit my grandparents and know them as the adult I am today, spend time with them when they where ‘young’ but most of all – I’d tell my parents that whilst life was at times very financially strapped for them they did a wonderful job with their two children and they will go on to be successful. Though I’d probably stop at letting them know their son is a successful Doctor who is happily married with kids. And their daughter – she’s finally following her dreams of writing, perhaps she’ll never pay the bills with it, but at least she can say she achieved it.
So for those reading this - I ask you to write an entry on what you'd tell your eight year old self with the knowledge you have at this very moment in your life. Send me a link, I'd love to read it.
Monday, November 10, 2008
It’s strange to have someone tell you they have this strong affection for you, and are prepared to express it. I think I messed with Karma that evening when I didn’t answer back. I did eventually tell them I loved them, which at the time I did. However since then my relationships have been, well, unbalanced. Robbie Williams wrote a song called ‘Feel’ in which there is a line that goes ‘Before I fall in love, I’m preparing to leave her’ That line pretty much sums me up (and I wonder why I’m single!)
To allow yourself to love someone is to allow them in, to open yourself up to that person, and trust them in ways you reserve only for your close friends and family. Sure I love my friends, but it’s not an ‘in-love’ love. The kind that fills your veins with passion and desire. Of lust and a fog that prevents you from seeing disaster of having your heart broken unfolding before you.
If I was to go with that whole analogy of ‘is my cup half empty or half full’ scenario – which I never understood when I was younger! Perhaps if my glass is half full I’ve just not found the right one to love yet. A classic cliché of glass half full attitude – the ‘best is yet to come’ ‘There’s someone out there for everyone’ I could write a book containing many clichés but I won’t.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
However today is an exception. This past week we've had shit weather - Monday raining, Tuesday overcast, Wednesday sunny, Thursday see wednesday, Friday sunny. However today Saturday it's hotter than the pits of hell... well maybe that's a slight exaggeration, as I'm not sure just how hot the pits of hell are, in fact as a non religious person I've just used an example of something that I don't actually acknowledge exists! Anyway.... it was bloody hot today! Not only was it hot temp wise but there was also a strong 'wind' blowing from the west which when you live on the east coast of Australia means 'hot air' coming from the centre of the country that has a great big bloody orange rock in the almost centre of it. (I can totally picture people getting out their little atlas and having a look at the map of Australia now!) Centre of Australia = Large rock and desert which makes air 'hot'
Anyway back on topic. Air-conditioning inventor person (note the 'non gender specific as I'm not one to assume a gender in which invented this miracle) The miracle that turned the 41c to 33c in a matter of a hour (Sorry I haven't a clue what that transfers into Fahrenheit) All I know is that my air-conditioner was a welcome relief. It's only the 2nd week of November! Summer dosen't start officially until the 1st of December. I shudder to think what the temperature is going to be like this summer if today is any indication! We've fucked this planet - Global warming will send us the way of the dinosaurs!
That's all I've got. I'm off to melt some more
Friday, November 7, 2008
I asked her to describe the pain she felt, and she answered that it's like pins and needles that are on fire! Hearing that and seeing the redness of her skin gave me a reality check – I’ll think twice next time before I complain of a headache or some minor ache or pain – as someone out in the world has it worse then I do.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Whilst I sat and watched Obama speak to the world, and watch history unfold, it made me stop and think what other milestones I’ve witnessed, not all first hand and live, but I remember thinking at the time – this will be a historic event.
I’ve compiled a list of things that I’ve experienced in my lifetime i.e the ones I remember! I’ll be showing just how ‘old’ I am from this list!
VHS outdoes BETA in VCR technology
Cassette tapes, and ‘walkmans!’
Commodore 64 computers
Rainbow Warrior Sunk
Soviets nuclear disaster at Chernobyl
Compact Disk technology
Nasa’s Challenger shuttle explodes
Berlin wall comes down
Pro- Democracy rallies in Tiananmen Square
Exxon Valdez runs aground
Personal computers for ‘home’ use released
The internet made available for public use
Iraq attacks Kurds in Northern Iraq
Gulf war begins
Hubble Telescope launched
Microsoft releases Windows 3.1 (This was the OS on my parents first PC – it had 4mb of RAM!!!)
Mobile phone technology
Search engine Google is founded.
Nelson Mandela is elected President of South Africa
Duke Nukem 3D Shareware released to public (I loved this game!)
Bill Clinton becomes the 42nd President of the United States
Tony Blair becomes Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
Mother Teresa dies in Calcutta
Diana Princess of Wales is killed in a car crash
Nelson Mandela retires
September 11 attacks
United States invasion of Iraq due to an imminent threat from weapons of mass destruction
Columbine high school shootings
The Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrates upon re-entry
Human Genome Project
Saddam Hussein is captured by U.S. forces
Virginia Tech Campus shootings
Terrorist attack on Glasgow Airport
Kevin Rudd becomes Prime minister of Australia (Thank god!)
Australia’s new PM says ‘sorry’ to the stolen generation
World financial crisis
Barrack Obama becomes 44th president of the United States
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
That’s it from me
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Reading it now eight years later, I was quite clearly in a place of sadness and confusion, when I wrote this. I recorded quite specific details of the date which included the day, year and the time. There’s no title to this piece, however this is what I wrote on Monday the 19th of November 2001 at 11:51pm
This sadness engulfs me like a wet blanket on a cold and rainy day
Black clouds smother me and every time I try to take a breath, it feels tighter
Will this feeling change like the weather does?
Will these emotions I’m feeling clear?
When will a new bright sunny day appear to take away my darkness, and the sadness that engulfs me like a wet blanket on a cold and rainy day.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Anyway… I’ll write more later
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Which brings me to…
How hard is it to fucking indicate, whilst driving!?! On top of that do people know how to ‘give way’ on roundabouts? I realise that traffic lights are a no brainer. Red is stop. Green is go. Orange is ‘Fuck I missed the light’ however roundabouts and giving way to the traffic already ON the roundabout seems a little ‘hard’ for some drivers!
So Sunday morning drivers strike again! (I’m not going out on a Sunday morning anymore!) Here I am obeying the road rules when some arse totally tried to make my car become part of his on the roundabout! He then had the audacity to horn me! I horned him back shouted profanity that he never would have heard, though hand gestures do help, found a park and went into the paper shop. For one moment I though it might be a repeat of psycho guy from the overtaking lane a few weeks ago, (long story) and he might have followed me in, but he didn’t. Papers, bread, milk, a custard tart (for breakfast!) and home. Sunday mornings are made for reading the paper, eating a custard tart and drinking a cup of tea in the sun.
Paper perusal over, I got into this assignment for philosophy. This is the question: Drawing on arguments in aesthetics, do you think the movie “Brick” is a work of art of not?
I’m totally fucked. I rented the movie from the video store on Wednesday and tried to get through it ‘again’ and failed dismally. I fell asleep! That’s a big thing with movies. If I fall asleep in the middle of the day whilst watching a film, clearly it didn’t hold my attention!
On a scale of one to ten, this assignment is about a seven! Its due Friday. I’ll keep you posted
Monday, October 13, 2008
Anyway – Uni today had a guest speaker a writer called Karen Brooks – she’s a fantasy sci-fi writer along with being a columnist for the courier mail and also appears on some TV programs on the ABC – If all people who were slightly well known were as nice as this woman we’d have a happier environment – she used wanker, frig (Though that was her stopping herself from saying fuck!) and a long list of other swear words. I really liked this woman, isn’t afraid to say ‘shit’ and ‘bloody’. Whilst I’ve not read any of her work I was interested in what she had to say about how to write sci-fi genre and the mammoth amount of research you need to put in for your book to work well. It’s given me confidence that all of us who have ‘a book’ in them can be published – she also gave us all advice about not being wankers – as it just makes people hate you and won’t get you invites to be guest speakers at writers festivals!
So that’s my update for the day…
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Not that hard when you see it - though trying to write something that allows the reader to keep track of who is saying and thinking what without putting and 'Adam said' and 'Lucy answered' isn't as easy as I thought it would be - thankfully it only had to be approx 500 words!
Her fingers traced the outline of a tattoo “Made in Australia” that sat just below her collarbone she looked at her fine white skin, soft under her touch. ‘This lie you’re living… it will consume you in the end’
‘You know my situation, it’s not a lie, it’s just a withholding certain information’
‘Whatever helps you to sleep at night’ she brushed her off coldly.
‘I’m not like you, I’m not ‘out and proud’ she replied angrily.
‘Being seen coming in here with me, practically puts a gay flag on your back, or at least a sign that says ‘I’m with her’.
‘What do you want from me?’ she asked as she got out of bed and searched for her clothes
‘I want you to be happy’
‘I am happy. I’m happy with this arrangement, I’m happy with my job, I’m happy with my life.’
‘But are you?’ she asked? ‘Are you really happy?’
‘Not all of us have to ‘come out’ to our friends and families to be happy you know. What I do in my private life is my business.’
‘So I’m you’re dirty secret then am I?’
‘Always about you isn’t it, regardless of how the conversation starts it always, always manages to get back to you!’ she answered angrily pulling on her jeans and buttoning them up.
‘Well no-one knows about us, so I simply assume you’re ashamed of this!’
‘Fucking me, fucking a woman, laying down with the same sex and fucking her!’ she retorted bluntly, throwing her t-shirt at her.
‘And here I was thinking ‘this’ meant more than a fuck, for one moment there I though ‘this’ might be defined as you and I, as love, as friendship, as something more.’
Silence filled the room as both girls stared at each other – what started out as a loving encounter, of passion and desire was ending once again with anger and resentment.
‘If you need a label so fucking badly, then fuck off and get your post-it notes and put a label on my box! Put on it – “Not for labelling because I’m not ready to be labelled!” She stood there anger filling her veins staring at her just laying there on the bed knowing that in her mind she couldn’t let her leave without getting in the final word… she waited for those final words to part from her lips, moments seemed like an eternity, she was sick of waiting – perhaps this time she got the final word. She collected her keys, wallet and mobile from the table and headed for the door, her hand on the door handle, she pushed it down and pulled the door open, thinking to herself ‘bloody hell I think I just got the last word in for the first time ever!’ but the silence was broken.
‘This lie you’re living… it will consume you in the end’ she yelled from the bed. She’d got her ‘last word’ on an argument in.
‘Goodbye, I won’t be back’ the door shutting behind her, she quickly slipped past the door into the stairwell – she’d gotten the last word for once, in the 8 months she’d been with her, she had finally managed to get the last word in on an argument, however her last words where really the last ones.
So much for the weekly 'updates' I'm shocking at this online journal stuff - however here is a pic of my dog who's laying on the floor keeping me company whilst I type this.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Perhaps this question should be re-worded to when did I feel I was engaged in life?
I can’t remember a time really when I was happy happy. Luke warm is about all I’ve managed in my life so far.
Was my childhood happy? If I could remember it, then maybe I was. I don’t really know. My mum has always done her best by both myself and my brother. Always supported us re school events or sports etc. I can remember my mum attending an athletics’ carnival and encouraging me at the high jump which I clearly sucked at!
She never missed any performance I did re music. When I get into drumming seriously she encouraged me, and bought me my first ‘proper’ drum kit. I was 13 and all I wanted was a drumkit. After that I played it all the time. My hearing is damaged due to not wearing protection, but what can you do!?
My mum encouraged music with my brother and I ensuring it was a fun experience compared to her experience of piano lesions from the nun’s at the convent. My brother soon bored of music lessons but I stuck at it. I loved it. I can sort of remember the piano lessons at Greg’s place. His piano was black and so shiny. Though today as an adult I can no longer read music, or even play the piano anymore. I’d love to be able to ‘unlock’ that part of my brain that as my mum recalls allowed me to play the piano so beautifully.
I’ve not sat behind a drum kit in over 10 years. I doubt I’d be able to play like I could back in 1995 that seen me come second in the state as a drum major in the HSC. Some days I hear music and the drum section almost speaks to me. I’d love to get back into it. Drumming was the only thing in this world that I would say I was good at. I was a bloody good drummer, self taught. I couldn’t read the music in time to play it – I’d look away and loose my spot – so I’d just learnt the part by ear. I came across the score submission for my final exam composition last week, the same day I found some old poetry. Back then I could play each section without hesitation. The piece I wrote and performed for my final exam I spent months writing. Now it all looks like dots on a page. X marks the cymbals but that’s all I can remember. Sad really – I shudder to think what my memory is going to be like when I’m older.
Looking back at what I’ve written above – have I actually answered the question???
Sunday, August 17, 2008
My work was work shopped on Wednesday - and well there's ALOT to do - as I read it out loud to my fellow classmates -I was bored!! To the point that I'm not sure I want to even go this angle now! Fuck me! This class was suppose to be the 'easy' one! Yet it's struggle town 101 at the moment.
I have done some more 'writing exercises' from the 'bible' i.e the book that's as thin as a magazine and cost $60! I'll get it typed up and on here by the end of the week - maybe I'll pluck something out of that - might be a more 'interesting' story as the one I've produced so far is fucking shit in my opinion!!
Can you swear in these online journals? Guess there's only one way to find out!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
However as I face the newest fork in the road of life and look around to see all the others standing in the same place with me. The difference is that they have support from someone – I realise that being single in a time of crisis is well a bit shit – no shoulder to cry on, no body to help keep me warm at night – no one to hug me and tell me it’s all going to be ok.
My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer on the Tuesday the 15th of July 2008. I can’t describe the feelings I have fear mainly but I do have a strong feeling of hope – that she will be fine that they have found it in time and she will recover from this to see her youngest grandson Harry who was born on the 30th of June 2008 – turn 21.
It’s moments like this, which are life changing. When you hear that a loved one has been dealt a disease that can be life ending, you realise that being single – no strings attached etc. Has its down side – I have no ‘rock’ in which I can use to prop myself up with through this situation. My brother has his wife Katrina and two sons – my mum has my dad and my dad has my mum – but who’s there for Sal? I’m the one who always comes through for people. I’m the one who can be counted on in a shitty situation to keep a level head, and get everyone through it. What happens when the ‘strong’ one needs some support?
I’ll continue to stay calm, steady and rational – I’ll be the one to pick up the slack, to make life easier for my mum as she faces the toughest battle she’s ever likely to endure in her life to date.
Across the ocean on the other side of the world however lives a girl who I’ve never meet in real life – we have a common interest that brought us together – she is my sounding board, Lucy is the only person who knows of my mum’s condition. My mum’s a very private person and doesn’t want everyone in our small country town knowing her business. Lucy has no connection to anyone I know here in Australia so I’m able to tell her of the situation I am facing with my mum’s illness, and as always she’s been as supportive as someone can be from the other side of the world. But unfortunately – a computer can’t give you the physical hug you need, that reassuring hug to let you know that things will be okay – and that it will all work out in the end.
Human contact is something we all crave in various forms from a simple touch to a heart felt warm embrace. But what do single people do when there’s no one there to offer that much needed physical contact?
My mum will get through this she’s a fighter – Cancer picked the wrong woman to get on board and try to mess with and it will realise this in no time.
I’ll solider on- I always do – I’ve never known anything else other than just me to fight out the battles. The lonely solider – The drug’s don’t work – so this painful event will be a difficult one to fight.
Monday, July 28, 2008
I just wrote an intro to this and the net crashed on me and I lost it - I'm beyond pissed off now!!
Anyway - now the 'digest' version of the intro I lost (First one was so much better!)
I'm going with the memoir style of writing for my piece - though I'm thinking who really cares about my life to read it!
I can't remember a lot from my childhood. So I've gone with my time in Brisbane the city I lived in for 9 years.
Let me know what you think by hitting the little 'comment' button at the end of this post.
Needs editing! This is just how it flowed out of my head and onto the screen.
When I look back at my time that I lived in
‘My boys’ My substitute brothers who banded around me and kept me from harm, Peter, Alan, Aaron, Adrian and Darren – to them I owe a debt of gratitude, but most if not all of that gratitude goes to Adrian.
Once a week myself, Adrian and Darren would get together at the pub our weekly gathering, a get together of friends it was invite who ever you wanted to join the dinner – rain hail or shine we’d arrive at the pub after 5pm and stay until we’d had enough. When we lived in Coorparoo it was the Aussie Nash in
When we moved to Morningside the local pub changed to the Comsley and Tuesday night dinner became Monday’s $5 steaks. Again we’d converge on the pub after 5pm drink, eat steak and wander home (It was a short walk through two parks to our place on Blackwood ave) However our other taste for fine food was the The China Duck in Seven Hills – They delivered your Chinese order, and by the end of our stay in Morning side – Almost 2 years they knew our order simply from the sound of my voice.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
So I actually ‘wrote’ this put pen to paper – which is why it’s significantly shorter than it would be had I typed for 20mins – at the end of it my hand ached! Though I should write (pen and paper) more it slows me down and allows me to think a little clearer – though my hand hasn’t got a spell checker – I’ll have to ask for that in the next model!
Alright – here it is – the pen to paper now put into electronic format
As I sit here and try to write I remember my mind goes blank. Is that normal? Over thinking, trying too hard to recall.
I’ve been to Canberra three times. I only remember once. It’s a strange feeling to be told you have been to a place in your past but have no recollection of it at all. Even worse when photographs containing you are shown in front of famous landmarks of Canberra and still no memory of the event.
My mind works like a little movie sliced into segments when I think of events from my past. Holidays at Evans Head, Riding my brothers BMX on the beach, paddling up the river in the canoe.
My childhood is a happy one from memory leaving in the mornings at the weekends to do whatever I wanted from riding my skateboard in the school grounds to going down the river and exploring, long before the days of ‘unsafe to do anything alone’ I don’t ever remember feeling unsafe as a child we were always taught not to talk to strangers and I remember once a man tried to lure my friend and I into his car with lollies telling us he was a friend of my mums. I remember running as fast as I could to my Nanna’s house and telling her what happened by the time she got out the front the car was driving off around the corner. Did I potentially cheat death or sexual assault of some kind that day?
I remember walking to school with my brother, not knowing how to tie my shoe laces and so just wound them up around my legs like ballet shoes tucking the ends into my socks. They fell down onto the wet grass and my brother chastised me for being stupid and then tied my shoes for me, showing me what to do ‘for next time’
Christmas was always exciting as a child, the ritual of Christmas eve and the ‘must go to church’ I hated church, all the standing up and sitting down, the Shhh and not allowed to talk – not even whisper! Being dragged to ‘confession’ a few days prior so we could absolve our sins and be allowed to go to communion. My cousins and I would compete to see who got the most ‘Our Fathers’ and ‘Hail Mary’s’ by making stuff up in the confessional. The more lies told in there the more ‘pennant’s we’d have to pay!
Waking up Christmas morning to see what ‘Santa’ had brought being excited to un-wrap gifts from under the tree, spending time with extended family, and more gift unwrapping. Playing for hours with my cousins in the back yard of my grandparents, before coming home to play with the toy’s that where too big to leave the house like the year we got a trampoline.
I remember we never had Christmas lunch at my parent’s house – we always alternated between my mum’s parents and my dad’s parents. In 1999 when I was living in Brisbane I decided that, that year would be different – My brother and I would have Christmas at mum and dad’s – so we invited all the extended family to my parents house – my mum’s side of the family, and my dad’s side – all converged on River street. I’m glad that it all came together as that was the last Christmas we had with my grandfather on my dad’s side- he died on the 31st of January 2000.
Photo’s are a key to your past to memories and moment of the here and now that once taken instantly become the there and then.
I remember a happy childhood filled with Christmas, and family gatherings, even if it meant having to go to church, and lying in competition to see who got handed the largest amount of pennants. Memories flood into my mind – but there again I’ve been to Canberra three times and only remember visiting once as an adult in 2006 – so my memory is clearly not very reliable.
Turning a section into a paragraph
This exercise sees me take a ‘slice’ of the above ‘I Remember’ and put more detail into it as a paragraph.
I remember the light shining though the stain glass window, throwing light onto the rich thick carpet like shadow puppets dancing outside.
The hard cold seat of the pew, various thoughts running through my mind as I waited my turn. Click the light went out and my cousin would step from behind the thick tapestry curtain.
I’d whisper ‘What did you get?’
He’d answer “Three Our Fathers, and Four Hail Marys’'
I’d step into the closet like booth that smelt like mothballs, and hear the click of the light go on outside allowing others to know the confessional was in use.
Then out would come the line ‘Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been 12 moths since my last confession” followed by my mountain of lies in hope that I could out do my cousin for the amount of pennants I’d have to do.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
- Holiday's at the beach
- Breakfast with my Nanna
- Christmas as a child being more exciting than as an adult
- My parents putting in a swimming pool
- The first swim in the pool
- Summer days spent all day in the pool
- Family BBQ's at my Nanna's house up the road
- My first dog Zoe
- Various cats I bought home that I found
- Getting my first skateboard
- Weekends that never seem to end - riding my skateboard from dawn to dusk
- Hot chips from the shop around the corner
- Playing hand ball in the park across the road
- Playing 'Army', 'Doctor Who' or 'Starwars' in the back yard with my brother
- Running inside from hearing the theme to Dr Who and getting there in time to see Tom Baker's face fade off into the time vortex
- Watching Dr Who and getting excited if the episode had Darleks
- Teaching myself to play drums
- Spending every spare moment playing drums
- Hating school and the bullying I endured
- My mum coming to watch me perform at a concert and yelling out that's my daughter playing the drums
- My brother going to university in Brisbane and the house being different without him
- Failing my HSC and my mother crying over it
- Coming 2nd in the state for music (Drumming Major) in the HSC - but still failing overall
- Moving out of home on the day of my last HSC exam
- Coming home for x-mas
- Getting into computers
- Moving to Brisbane to study computers
- The anonymity that the city gave me
- New found freedom and loneliness of the city
- Standing on my own two feet
- Falling in love and have my heart ripped out
Monday, July 21, 2008
If you're reading this you either know me or you have simply stumbled across it via some sort of search.
I'm Sal - 1st year uni student about to undertake my second semester - Currently doing my major in writing. As part of my subject auto - biography writing - we have to keep a daily journal to just 'write' so this is my slice of 'writing' on the net.
Will I get to it every day - I highly doubt it - but I'll have a stab at least updating this once a week.