Tuesday, August 24, 2010

August 24th

You stole a piece of me that day, a piece that is lost forever and I will never be able to get back. I trusted you, thought you were a ‘friend’. Yet in that moment you turned into a monster and grew darker in the hours that followed.

Five years ago on this day I was abducted by a so called ‘friend’. This ‘friend’ who I had formed a friendship with, had hung out with, gone to the beach with etc. turned into a monster. What is worse was *after* the event it was revealed to me by a friend of yours that this was not your first offense. You’d done this kind of thing before. What I always wonder is why didn’t the person who told me this evilness about you after you violated me, had not told me before? Why had he not warned me, so I could stay the fuck away from you. Did he think I was ‘safe’ because I was gay?

No because in the sick and twisted world inside your fucked up mind. You befriended me, made out that me being gay was ‘no worries’ ‘all good’. But deep inside your darkness it was your mission to make me realise I was wrong to not like men, and the one ‘man’ to make this wrong, right was going to be you.

I’ll never forget the way you literally turned from ‘nice guy’ to psychopath in seconds. From offering me a lift to my car, due to leaving work sick, asking if I needed to go to a doctor, and then missing the turn for the cark park. The sound of the central locking of your doors, the electric windows being locked from the main control panel on the driver side door. The punches you unleashed on me, the threats to break my arm, then letting me know in no uncertain terms you were going to kill me, chop me up and scatter the pieces all over various parts of Australia. That I’d ‘never be found. I can smell the interior of your car still to this day, your eyes with no soul behind them. People spout statistics that if you’re going to be assaulted there is a high probability that it will be by someone you know and trust. I was in the category of ‘the people I’m friends with, would NEVER do something like that’ you did. You’re a cold fuck, who deserves to rot a slow and very painful death.

I’ve had many fights over my time. But the punch I manage to land in your face is still to this day the best one ever. I would break both hands over and over again if it meant I got to inflict some pain back onto you.

Five long years have passed, your ‘good behavior bond’ has finished, as has the terms of the five year AVO. I know this much. If you come anywhere near me, you won’t get off as ‘lightly’ as you did this time five years ago, I’m a very different person now. Different because that ‘goodness’ I had inside me was stolen by you, and I will never get that back.

You are a worthless oxygen thief. I sincerely hope you stop breathing soon.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I need to write more Take 2

I was halfway through this post, when blogger decided to get all temperamental on me and just deleted what I'd written!

Anyway - I've decided I need to physically write more, as in putting pen to paper and writing down the thoughts in my head. I bought a journal / writing book a little while ago, and dug it out today. I thought even if I can just write something (like 50 words) a day. It will have to help improve my appauling handwriting, and reliance on word processing softwares for my spelling (Even they fail me at times)

I noticed that I had a bit of a problem when I went to write on my mum's birthday card during the week. When I re-read what I'd written I was flat out reading my own hand writing, so I shudder to think if she managed to work it out.

So on my day off today. (No Uni work) I decided today would be the day I'd start 'hand writing' stuff. If I come up with something profound, then I'm more than happy to type it up and post it on here. But in the mean time. Combined with this online blog, I'm going to have a crack at getting my handwriting writing ability (Is that a correct sentence?) up to scratch.

In other news - Australia went to the polls to vote in a new PM over the weekend. I voted for Labor - it's currently undecided as it's quite close. I hope like hell that Labor gets in.

That's all I've got.

Friday, August 20, 2010

An abundance of TV shows

Hello Readers,

Thanks to @thisisscoman I’m now a *huge* fan of Dexter – to the point that I can refer to myself in the presence of Sco as the ‘Lundy Fan girl’ Yes I love Lundy (If you don’t watch Dexter you have no idea what I’m talking about, if you do. I’m sure you’ll agree.) I think it’s to do with the fact that he’s an older dude, who can still pull the young chicks aka Deb. Now Deb is *smoking* hot and the actresses who plays the characters in this case Jennifer Carpenter is officially on my list of celeb’s I’d shag in a heart beat. The character she plays in reality is my ideal woman, she’s brunette, smart, sexy, and can hold her own and well looks good with a gun strapped to her hip. (Admit it everyone loves people either in uniform or some sort of profession where there’s a gun involved.) Gillian Anderson will always be my first ‘celeb’ love.

Basically I’ve been having ‘down time’ of an evening after writing and researching stuff for Uni all day and Dexter has been a really nice surprise and welcome relief, to switch off. Another show I’d been put onto by my friend @vonbunnie is Trueblood. Now I’d seen a couple of episodes of TrueBlood, but I either forgot it was on, or had missed a few too many episodes to catch up. So I’ve recently caught up and have been getting my ‘adult vampire’ on.

Add into that the usual stuff I watch regardless of the events going on around me. (That’s code for Doctor Who!) I’ve been enjoying my evening veg out. It’s a little ‘quicker’ than watching a whole movie. A 45 minute TV show just seems to fly by, perfect as the ‘switch off’ tonic needed after studying about various sociological ‘stuff’ throughout the day.

So this evening, I’m off to eat a meat pie and some hot chips, and watch more True Blood.

That’s all I’ve got.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Those who have no warm bed at night.

When you lay in bed at night, does your mind ever wander to think of those who have no bed? I wrote this last night, as my mind thought of those who haven't the luxuries that I have.

The cold trickles through the gaps of clothing and covers. Seeping into the marrow of my bones. The newspapers that cover me at night, keep out some of the cold, but not all of it. When first light breaks I remove the newspaper and fold it up.

Last night’s blankets will be today’s seat. I sit on my newspaper so no one can steal them. Theft is high amongst those who have nothing.

I will go to the salvos today and ask for a blanket as the nights are getting colder. If I’m to survive this winter, I’ll need to find more warmth.

That's all I've got.