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Thursday, August 21, 2008

Writing Exercise Page 62

Q) Write about times you did not feel fully engaged in life.

Perhaps this question should be re-worded to when did I feel I was engaged in life?
I can’t remember a time really when I was happy happy. Luke warm is about all I’ve managed in my life so far.

Was my childhood happy? If I could remember it, then maybe I was. I don’t really know. My mum has always done her best by both myself and my brother. Always supported us re school events or sports etc. I can remember my mum attending an athletics’ carnival and encouraging me at the high jump which I clearly sucked at!

She never missed any performance I did re music. When I get into drumming seriously she encouraged me, and bought me my first ‘proper’ drum kit. I was 13 and all I wanted was a drumkit. After that I played it all the time. My hearing is damaged due to not wearing protection, but what can you do!?

My mum encouraged music with my brother and I ensuring it was a fun experience compared to her experience of piano lesions from the nun’s at the convent. My brother soon bored of music lessons but I stuck at it. I loved it. I can sort of remember the piano lessons at Greg’s place. His piano was black and so shiny. Though today as an adult I can no longer read music, or even play the piano anymore. I’d love to be able to ‘unlock’ that part of my brain that as my mum recalls allowed me to play the piano so beautifully.

I’ve not sat behind a drum kit in over 10 years. I doubt I’d be able to play like I could back in 1995 that seen me come second in the state as a drum major in the HSC. Some days I hear music and the drum section almost speaks to me. I’d love to get back into it. Drumming was the only thing in this world that I would say I was good at. I was a bloody good drummer, self taught. I couldn’t read the music in time to play it – I’d look away and loose my spot – so I’d just learnt the part by ear. I came across the score submission for my final exam composition last week, the same day I found some old poetry. Back then I could play each section without hesitation. The piece I wrote and performed for my final exam I spent months writing. Now it all looks like dots on a page. X marks the cymbals but that’s all I can remember. Sad really – I shudder to think what my memory is going to be like when I’m older.

Looking back at what I’ve written above – have I actually answered the question???

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Story Workshop


My work was work shopped on Wednesday - and well there's ALOT to do - as I read it out loud to my fellow classmates -I was bored!! To the point that I'm not sure I want to even go this angle now! Fuck me! This class was suppose to be the 'easy' one! Yet it's struggle town 101 at the moment.

I have done some more 'writing exercises' from the 'bible' i.e the book that's as thin as a magazine and cost $60! I'll get it typed up and on here by the end of the week - maybe I'll pluck something out of that - might be a more 'interesting' story as the one I've produced so far is fucking shit in my opinion!!

Can you swear in these online journals? Guess there's only one way to find out!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

The lonely solider

I’ve never had a problem being on my own – flying solo – single minded what ever tag you want to put that goes to the term ‘single’ with out a significant other half.

However as I face the newest fork in the road of life and look around to see all the others standing in the same place with me. The difference is that they have support from someone – I realise that being single in a time of crisis is well a bit shit – no shoulder to cry on, no body to help keep me warm at night – no one to hug me and tell me it’s all going to be ok.

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer on the Tuesday the 15th of July 2008. I can’t describe the feelings I have fear mainly but I do have a strong feeling of hope – that she will be fine that they have found it in time and she will recover from this to see her youngest grandson Harry who was born on the 30th of June 2008 – turn 21.

It’s moments like this, which are life changing. When you hear that a loved one has been dealt a disease that can be life ending, you realise that being single – no strings attached etc. Has its down side – I have no ‘rock’ in which I can use to prop myself up with through this situation. My brother has his wife Katrina and two sons – my mum has my dad and my dad has my mum – but who’s there for Sal? I’m the one who always comes through for people. I’m the one who can be counted on in a shitty situation to keep a level head, and get everyone through it. What happens when the ‘strong’ one needs some support?

I’ll continue to stay calm, steady and rational – I’ll be the one to pick up the slack, to make life easier for my mum as she faces the toughest battle she’s ever likely to endure in her life to date.

Across the ocean on the other side of the world however lives a girl who I’ve never meet in real life – we have a common interest that brought us together – she is my sounding board, Lucy is the only person who knows of my mum’s condition. My mum’s a very private person and doesn’t want everyone in our small country town knowing her business. Lucy has no connection to anyone I know here in Australia so I’m able to tell her of the situation I am facing with my mum’s illness, and as always she’s been as supportive as someone can be from the other side of the world. But unfortunately – a computer can’t give you the physical hug you need, that reassuring hug to let you know that things will be okay – and that it will all work out in the end.

Human contact is something we all crave in various forms from a simple touch to a heart felt warm embrace. But what do single people do when there’s no one there to offer that much needed physical contact?

My mum will get through this she’s a fighter – Cancer picked the wrong woman to get on board and try to mess with and it will realise this in no time.

I’ll solider on- I always do – I’ve never known anything else other than just me to fight out the battles. The lonely solider – The drug’s don’t work – so this painful event will be a difficult one to fight.