Q) Write about times you did not feel fully engaged in life.
Perhaps this question should be re-worded to when did I feel I was engaged in life?
I can’t remember a time really when I was happy happy. Luke warm is about all I’ve managed in my life so far.
Was my childhood happy? If I could remember it, then maybe I was. I don’t really know. My mum has always done her best by both myself and my brother. Always supported us re school events or sports etc. I can remember my mum attending an athletics’ carnival and encouraging me at the high jump which I clearly sucked at!
She never missed any performance I did re music. When I get into drumming seriously she encouraged me, and bought me my first ‘proper’ drum kit. I was 13 and all I wanted was a drumkit. After that I played it all the time. My hearing is damaged due to not wearing protection, but what can you do!?
My mum encouraged music with my brother and I ensuring it was a fun experience compared to her experience of piano lesions from the nun’s at the convent. My brother soon bored of music lessons but I stuck at it. I loved it. I can sort of remember the piano lessons at Greg’s place. His piano was black and so shiny. Though today as an adult I can no longer read music, or even play the piano anymore. I’d love to be able to ‘unlock’ that part of my brain that as my mum recalls allowed me to play the piano so beautifully.
I’ve not sat behind a drum kit in over 10 years. I doubt I’d be able to play like I could back in 1995 that seen me come second in the state as a drum major in the HSC. Some days I hear music and the drum section almost speaks to me. I’d love to get back into it. Drumming was the only thing in this world that I would say I was good at. I was a bloody good drummer, self taught. I couldn’t read the music in time to play it – I’d look away and loose my spot – so I’d just learnt the part by ear. I came across the score submission for my final exam composition last week, the same day I found some old poetry. Back then I could play each section without hesitation. The piece I wrote and performed for my final exam I spent months writing. Now it all looks like dots on a page. X marks the cymbals but that’s all I can remember. Sad really – I shudder to think what my memory is going to be like when I’m older.
Looking back at what I’ve written above – have I actually answered the question???