Do you remember the first time someone not related to you told you they loved you? I remember as if it was yesterday. The person in question stopped kissing me, pulled away and looked me in the eye and said ‘I love you’ My heart leapt into my mouth, I was left speechless, I didn’t know if I should say ‘I love you too’ as a response, so I said ‘oh!’ Yes that was my response to the first time someone who was not related to me told me they loved me. I was 19, and I answered with ‘Oh!’
It’s strange to have someone tell you they have this strong affection for you, and are prepared to express it. I think I messed with Karma that evening when I didn’t answer back. I did eventually tell them I loved them, which at the time I did. However since then my relationships have been, well, unbalanced. Robbie Williams wrote a song called ‘Feel’ in which there is a line that goes ‘Before I fall in love, I’m preparing to leave her’ That line pretty much sums me up (and I wonder why I’m single!)
To allow yourself to love someone is to allow them in, to open yourself up to that person, and trust them in ways you reserve only for your close friends and family. Sure I love my friends, but it’s not an ‘in-love’ love. The kind that fills your veins with passion and desire. Of lust and a fog that prevents you from seeing disaster of having your heart broken unfolding before you.
If I was to go with that whole analogy of ‘is my cup half empty or half full’ scenario – which I never understood when I was younger! Perhaps if my glass is half full I’ve just not found the right one to love yet. A classic cliché of glass half full attitude – the ‘best is yet to come’ ‘There’s someone out there for everyone’ I could write a book containing many clichés but I won’t.