Wednesday, February 10, 2010


The one thing I’ve learnt from my grandfathers passing ten years ago this year, is you shouldn’t take the people in your life for granted, because they won’t be around forever. It’s a fact we will all die. But taking the time to spend with people I think is the best gift you can give yourself and them.

All people need is reassurance. If someone is ill, and someone else says to them ‘it will be alright’ then a weight has been lifted from them. A) Someone else is helping to take the weight of the situation and b) that persons knows that at least there is one person who cares enough to be there (if that makes sense.) I’ve been the bearer of the weight (i.e the one telling the other it will be alright) and I’ve also been the one having the weight lessened from my shoulders by being told it will be ok.

Sometimes you say ‘it will be alright’ knowing full well you have no idea if it will be or not, but it’s that reassurance you offer the other person that is the most important part..

I remember telling my brother our mum had breast cancer. I had to tell him over the phone; it was a hard thing to do. But I told him. He cried… well he sobbed, but through his tears I recall saying to him that she’d be alright, everything was going to be alright, they had got it early and she would be fine. When I said it I could say it with conviction because I knew in my heart and in my gut that she would be alright. She is alright, and is currently in remission and doing well.

But that reassurance I gave my brother in that moment, was helping to ease the weight off him. Just as he had done for me in times of despair when a particular relationship I was in, ended. He was there telling me it would be alright, and in the end it was.

Reassurance is it more powerful than we give it credit for I think. It’s a very powerful force, because people just need / want to hear that everything will be ok, even if they know deep in their hearts it won’t be, it’s that moment someone says the words, and adjusts the weight bearing down on them, that makes literally the world of difference.

So how does this tie into my grandfathers 10 year anniversary of his passing? I’m not really sure to be honest, other than remembering him and how much I miss him. He would be so very proud of everything his grandchildren have achieved, and sometimes I wish selfishly he was still alive to see those achievements.

Ten years on I remembered the shared car ride home from Brisbane with my brother the day before the funeral where we spoke of the memories we had of our grandfather, and in those moments we shared a ‘it will be ok’ moment of reassurance together, as we had one another to share that burden. Because in the end all it takes to help a situation sometimes is a little reassurance.

That’s all I’ve got.


Hillbilly Duhn said...

It's been eight years since my Grandmother passed away. I didn't know her as well as I had wanted to, she lived in Oregon, while I grew up in Minn. We exchanged letters, phone calls and all that, but I still wish I had known her better.

I try to keep in contact and be there for the people I know. Friends, family... and you're right, reassurance is sometimes all a person needs.

ScoMan said...

I think reassurance can be important because it bonds people who are in a similar situation. As you said, it lets someone know that there is someone there for them.

I must say though, I've never found much reassurance in people's words. People tell me things will be okay, and it doesn't lift a lot of weight. I think I've probably fended for myself far more than I needed to in the past, and now when people reach out to me to help and reassure me I turn away and deal with my problems myself. Maybe not healthy.