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Saturday, December 5, 2009


The Urban Dictionary defines friendship as:

A relationship between two individuals that share a mutual bond of trust and liking as well as commitment and personal feelings and experiences, which allows them to benefit from each other.

A friend of mine called me to day to let me know I’d been ‘dropped’ by a mutual friend. Why I can hear you ask? Because I’ve not seen him in ages. i.e I’ve not been around to his house, not been to the pub, not been in a physical social setting with him for almost 12 months. Therefore this means that I am no longer his friend.

After I stopped laughing for a good minute I then asked phone friend was he serious> He replied with: ‘Are you going to his party tonight?’
My answer: No I didn’t get invited’
His response: Well then I’m serious.

So a few mixed emotions ran through me at this point, like ‘what ever, meh, fuck him and I don’t really need this shit’ THEN Phone friend (Who was on my side) asked me ‘what has he who shall not be named done for you in the last 12 months?’

I thought about it, and I was like well he’s sent a few text messages to me, the odd e-mail but that’s about it. Phone friend continued and you what have you done for him? I answered with I’ve phoned him several times to just have a chat and say hello, I’ve sent return txt messages and e-mails etc. I sent him a card for his birthday – the usual things I do for friends why?’

Phone Friend: So what are you getting out of the friendship with this person (If you can’t tell by now Phone friend is a psychologist.)

I paused thought about it and answered honestly. Well to be honest nothing, all I ever get is him bitching at me that I never visit, or I don’t go to things that our mutual ‘group’ goes too, usually because it’s on a night I’ve got something else on!

‘Phone Friend’ (PF) – Well don’t worry about it then
Me: I didn’t’ say I was worrying.
PF: Oh you didn’t either.
Me: So are you going to his party?’
PF: No I’m not
Me: Better watch out you don’t get removed from the ‘friend list’
PF: If he wanted to dump people who go out of their way to be nice to him all because they’ve not shared the same room in 12 months he can go fuck himself!
Me: Thanks
PF: No that’s what I said to him when I told him I wasn’t going to his party!
Me: (Laughing) One thing about you at least you’re honest.

Which brings me to the pettiness of this situation. I’ve thought about it a little this afternoon and I can’t help but come back to the same question. How old is this man? I mean he’s carrying on like he’s fucking thirteen years old! Yet in reality he’s a lot older than that!

So as I sit in my air-conditioned comfort and download game demos on my new PS3. I’ll knock over some zombies in Left 4 Dead 2 and enjoy my Saturday evening ‘party free and demanding friend free’

That’s all I’ve got.


ScoMan said...

Ha if that was a rule I wouldn't have any friends. Actually, most of the people I once considers friends I don't anymore. I hate it when they contact me and want me to go out or do things.

People.. Who needs them?

Sleepydumpling said...

My best friend and I met when I was 17 and he was 27. 14 years ago, he moved back to Canada to live. We lost each other a couple of times, had some sporadic correspondence, reconnected through mutual friends, and then Facebook came along and that reconnected us fully.

Two years ago, I flew to Vancouver and saw him for the first time in 12 years. I will never forget that moment in the airport when he picked me up, where we simply fell into each others arms and held on for dear life. Within minutes, the old deep connection was right there, and our old way of just being together as friends was there.

Friendship doesn't have rules. It has bonds that are either strong or weak or somewhere in between. Those who "dump" friends are just looking for drama. In reality, if the bonds of friendship aren't there, people just drift apart in life.

And I believe that those you shed out of your life make room for those that are of much more value.

quillfeather said...

I'm totally with you. I remember a friend of mine saying, Wendy, if there's something in your life that's superfluous, or (ie) someone hovering in the sidelines who's wishy washy - get rid of them/it.

No point flogging a dead horse.

We all know who are true friends are. And...they don't require constant attention....they're always there. No matter what.