Q) Write about times you did not feel fully engaged in life.
Perhaps this question should be re-worded to when did I feel I was engaged in life?
I can’t remember a time really when I was happy happy. Luke warm is about all I’ve managed in my life so far.
Was my childhood happy? If I could remember it, then maybe I was. I don’t really know. My mum has always done her best by both myself and my brother. Always supported us re school events or sports etc. I can remember my mum attending an athletics’ carnival and encouraging me at the high jump which I clearly sucked at!
She never missed any performance I did re music. When I get into drumming seriously she encouraged me, and bought me my first ‘proper’ drum kit. I was 13 and all I wanted was a drumkit. After that I played it all the time. My hearing is damaged due to not wearing protection, but what can you do!?
My mum encouraged music with my brother and I ensuring it was a fun experience compared to her experience of piano lesions from the nun’s at the convent. My brother soon bored of music lessons but I stuck at it. I loved it. I can sort of remember the piano lessons at Greg’s place. His piano was black and so shiny. Though today as an adult I can no longer read music, or even play the piano anymore. I’d love to be able to ‘unlock’ that part of my brain that as my mum recalls allowed me to play the piano so beautifully.
I’ve not sat behind a drum kit in over 10 years. I doubt I’d be able to play like I could back in 1995 that seen me come second in the state as a drum major in the HSC. Some days I hear music and the drum section almost speaks to me. I’d love to get back into it. Drumming was the only thing in this world that I would say I was good at. I was a bloody good drummer, self taught. I couldn’t read the music in time to play it – I’d look away and loose my spot – so I’d just learnt the part by ear. I came across the score submission for my final exam composition last week, the same day I found some old poetry. Back then I could play each section without hesitation. The piece I wrote and performed for my final exam I spent months writing. Now it all looks like dots on a page. X marks the cymbals but that’s all I can remember. Sad really – I shudder to think what my memory is going to be like when I’m older.
Looking back at what I’ve written above – have I actually answered the question???
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Story Workshop
So........
My work was work shopped on Wednesday - and well there's ALOT to do - as I read it out loud to my fellow classmates -I was bored!! To the point that I'm not sure I want to even go this angle now! Fuck me! This class was suppose to be the 'easy' one! Yet it's struggle town 101 at the moment.
I have done some more 'writing exercises' from the 'bible' i.e the book that's as thin as a magazine and cost $60! I'll get it typed up and on here by the end of the week - maybe I'll pluck something out of that - might be a more 'interesting' story as the one I've produced so far is fucking shit in my opinion!!
Can you swear in these online journals? Guess there's only one way to find out!
My work was work shopped on Wednesday - and well there's ALOT to do - as I read it out loud to my fellow classmates -I was bored!! To the point that I'm not sure I want to even go this angle now! Fuck me! This class was suppose to be the 'easy' one! Yet it's struggle town 101 at the moment.
I have done some more 'writing exercises' from the 'bible' i.e the book that's as thin as a magazine and cost $60! I'll get it typed up and on here by the end of the week - maybe I'll pluck something out of that - might be a more 'interesting' story as the one I've produced so far is fucking shit in my opinion!!
Can you swear in these online journals? Guess there's only one way to find out!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
The lonely solider
I’ve never had a problem being on my own – flying solo – single minded what ever tag you want to put that goes to the term ‘single’ with out a significant other half.
However as I face the newest fork in the road of life and look around to see all the others standing in the same place with me. The difference is that they have support from someone – I realise that being single in a time of crisis is well a bit shit – no shoulder to cry on, no body to help keep me warm at night – no one to hug me and tell me it’s all going to be ok.
My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer on the Tuesday the 15th of July 2008. I can’t describe the feelings I have fear mainly but I do have a strong feeling of hope – that she will be fine that they have found it in time and she will recover from this to see her youngest grandson Harry who was born on the 30th of June 2008 – turn 21.
It’s moments like this, which are life changing. When you hear that a loved one has been dealt a disease that can be life ending, you realise that being single – no strings attached etc. Has its down side – I have no ‘rock’ in which I can use to prop myself up with through this situation. My brother has his wife Katrina and two sons – my mum has my dad and my dad has my mum – but who’s there for Sal? I’m the one who always comes through for people. I’m the one who can be counted on in a shitty situation to keep a level head, and get everyone through it. What happens when the ‘strong’ one needs some support?
I’ll continue to stay calm, steady and rational – I’ll be the one to pick up the slack, to make life easier for my mum as she faces the toughest battle she’s ever likely to endure in her life to date.
Across the ocean on the other side of the world however lives a girl who I’ve never meet in real life – we have a common interest that brought us together – she is my sounding board, Lucy is the only person who knows of my mum’s condition. My mum’s a very private person and doesn’t want everyone in our small country town knowing her business. Lucy has no connection to anyone I know here in Australia so I’m able to tell her of the situation I am facing with my mum’s illness, and as always she’s been as supportive as someone can be from the other side of the world. But unfortunately – a computer can’t give you the physical hug you need, that reassuring hug to let you know that things will be okay – and that it will all work out in the end.
Human contact is something we all crave in various forms from a simple touch to a heart felt warm embrace. But what do single people do when there’s no one there to offer that much needed physical contact?
My mum will get through this she’s a fighter – Cancer picked the wrong woman to get on board and try to mess with and it will realise this in no time.
I’ll solider on- I always do – I’ve never known anything else other than just me to fight out the battles. The lonely solider – The drug’s don’t work – so this painful event will be a difficult one to fight.
However as I face the newest fork in the road of life and look around to see all the others standing in the same place with me. The difference is that they have support from someone – I realise that being single in a time of crisis is well a bit shit – no shoulder to cry on, no body to help keep me warm at night – no one to hug me and tell me it’s all going to be ok.
My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer on the Tuesday the 15th of July 2008. I can’t describe the feelings I have fear mainly but I do have a strong feeling of hope – that she will be fine that they have found it in time and she will recover from this to see her youngest grandson Harry who was born on the 30th of June 2008 – turn 21.
It’s moments like this, which are life changing. When you hear that a loved one has been dealt a disease that can be life ending, you realise that being single – no strings attached etc. Has its down side – I have no ‘rock’ in which I can use to prop myself up with through this situation. My brother has his wife Katrina and two sons – my mum has my dad and my dad has my mum – but who’s there for Sal? I’m the one who always comes through for people. I’m the one who can be counted on in a shitty situation to keep a level head, and get everyone through it. What happens when the ‘strong’ one needs some support?
I’ll continue to stay calm, steady and rational – I’ll be the one to pick up the slack, to make life easier for my mum as she faces the toughest battle she’s ever likely to endure in her life to date.
Across the ocean on the other side of the world however lives a girl who I’ve never meet in real life – we have a common interest that brought us together – she is my sounding board, Lucy is the only person who knows of my mum’s condition. My mum’s a very private person and doesn’t want everyone in our small country town knowing her business. Lucy has no connection to anyone I know here in Australia so I’m able to tell her of the situation I am facing with my mum’s illness, and as always she’s been as supportive as someone can be from the other side of the world. But unfortunately – a computer can’t give you the physical hug you need, that reassuring hug to let you know that things will be okay – and that it will all work out in the end.
Human contact is something we all crave in various forms from a simple touch to a heart felt warm embrace. But what do single people do when there’s no one there to offer that much needed physical contact?
My mum will get through this she’s a fighter – Cancer picked the wrong woman to get on board and try to mess with and it will realise this in no time.
I’ll solider on- I always do – I’ve never known anything else other than just me to fight out the battles. The lonely solider – The drug’s don’t work – so this painful event will be a difficult one to fight.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Under Pressure
F*CK Me!
I just wrote an intro to this and the net crashed on me and I lost it - I'm beyond pissed off now!!
Anyway - now the 'digest' version of the intro I lost (First one was so much better!)
I'm going with the memoir style of writing for my piece - though I'm thinking who really cares about my life to read it!
I can't remember a lot from my childhood. So I've gone with my time in Brisbane the city I lived in for 9 years.
Let me know what you think by hitting the little 'comment' button at the end of this post.
Needs editing! This is just how it flowed out of my head and onto the screen.
*****************************
I just wrote an intro to this and the net crashed on me and I lost it - I'm beyond pissed off now!!
Anyway - now the 'digest' version of the intro I lost (First one was so much better!)
I'm going with the memoir style of writing for my piece - though I'm thinking who really cares about my life to read it!
I can't remember a lot from my childhood. So I've gone with my time in Brisbane the city I lived in for 9 years.
Let me know what you think by hitting the little 'comment' button at the end of this post.
Needs editing! This is just how it flowed out of my head and onto the screen.
*****************************
When I look back at my time that I lived in
‘My boys’ My substitute brothers who banded around me and kept me from harm, Peter, Alan, Aaron, Adrian and Darren – to them I owe a debt of gratitude, but most if not all of that gratitude goes to Adrian.
Once a week myself, Adrian and Darren would get together at the pub our weekly gathering, a get together of friends it was invite who ever you wanted to join the dinner – rain hail or shine we’d arrive at the pub after 5pm and stay until we’d had enough. When we lived in Coorparoo it was the Aussie Nash in
When we moved to Morningside the local pub changed to the Comsley and Tuesday night dinner became Monday’s $5 steaks. Again we’d converge on the pub after 5pm drink, eat steak and wander home (It was a short walk through two parks to our place on Blackwood ave) However our other taste for fine food was the The China Duck in Seven Hills – They delivered your Chinese order, and by the end of our stay in Morning side – Almost 2 years they knew our order simply from the sound of my voice.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I remember - 20 mins of writing
I remember – 20mins of writing
So I actually ‘wrote’ this put pen to paper – which is why it’s significantly shorter than it would be had I typed for 20mins – at the end of it my hand ached! Though I should write (pen and paper) more it slows me down and allows me to think a little clearer – though my hand hasn’t got a spell checker – I’ll have to ask for that in the next model!
Alright – here it is – the pen to paper now put into electronic format
*************
As I sit here and try to write I remember my mind goes blank. Is that normal? Over thinking, trying too hard to recall.
I’ve been to Canberra three times. I only remember once. It’s a strange feeling to be told you have been to a place in your past but have no recollection of it at all. Even worse when photographs containing you are shown in front of famous landmarks of Canberra and still no memory of the event.
My mind works like a little movie sliced into segments when I think of events from my past. Holidays at Evans Head, Riding my brothers BMX on the beach, paddling up the river in the canoe.
My childhood is a happy one from memory leaving in the mornings at the weekends to do whatever I wanted from riding my skateboard in the school grounds to going down the river and exploring, long before the days of ‘unsafe to do anything alone’ I don’t ever remember feeling unsafe as a child we were always taught not to talk to strangers and I remember once a man tried to lure my friend and I into his car with lollies telling us he was a friend of my mums. I remember running as fast as I could to my Nanna’s house and telling her what happened by the time she got out the front the car was driving off around the corner. Did I potentially cheat death or sexual assault of some kind that day?
I remember walking to school with my brother, not knowing how to tie my shoe laces and so just wound them up around my legs like ballet shoes tucking the ends into my socks. They fell down onto the wet grass and my brother chastised me for being stupid and then tied my shoes for me, showing me what to do ‘for next time’
Christmas was always exciting as a child, the ritual of Christmas eve and the ‘must go to church’ I hated church, all the standing up and sitting down, the Shhh and not allowed to talk – not even whisper! Being dragged to ‘confession’ a few days prior so we could absolve our sins and be allowed to go to communion. My cousins and I would compete to see who got the most ‘Our Fathers’ and ‘Hail Mary’s’ by making stuff up in the confessional. The more lies told in there the more ‘pennant’s we’d have to pay!
Waking up Christmas morning to see what ‘Santa’ had brought being excited to un-wrap gifts from under the tree, spending time with extended family, and more gift unwrapping. Playing for hours with my cousins in the back yard of my grandparents, before coming home to play with the toy’s that where too big to leave the house like the year we got a trampoline.
I remember we never had Christmas lunch at my parent’s house – we always alternated between my mum’s parents and my dad’s parents. In 1999 when I was living in Brisbane I decided that, that year would be different – My brother and I would have Christmas at mum and dad’s – so we invited all the extended family to my parents house – my mum’s side of the family, and my dad’s side – all converged on River street. I’m glad that it all came together as that was the last Christmas we had with my grandfather on my dad’s side- he died on the 31st of January 2000.
Photo’s are a key to your past to memories and moment of the here and now that once taken instantly become the there and then.
I remember a happy childhood filled with Christmas, and family gatherings, even if it meant having to go to church, and lying in competition to see who got handed the largest amount of pennants. Memories flood into my mind – but there again I’ve been to Canberra three times and only remember visiting once as an adult in 2006 – so my memory is clearly not very reliable.
Turning a section into a paragraph
This exercise sees me take a ‘slice’ of the above ‘I Remember’ and put more detail into it as a paragraph.
I remember the light shining though the stain glass window, throwing light onto the rich thick carpet like shadow puppets dancing outside.
The hard cold seat of the pew, various thoughts running through my mind as I waited my turn. Click the light went out and my cousin would step from behind the thick tapestry curtain.
I’d whisper ‘What did you get?’
He’d answer “Three Our Fathers, and Four Hail Marys’'
I’d step into the closet like booth that smelt like mothballs, and hear the click of the light go on outside allowing others to know the confessional was in use.
Then out would come the line ‘Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been 12 moths since my last confession” followed by my mountain of lies in hope that I could out do my cousin for the amount of pennants I’d have to do.
So I actually ‘wrote’ this put pen to paper – which is why it’s significantly shorter than it would be had I typed for 20mins – at the end of it my hand ached! Though I should write (pen and paper) more it slows me down and allows me to think a little clearer – though my hand hasn’t got a spell checker – I’ll have to ask for that in the next model!
Alright – here it is – the pen to paper now put into electronic format
*************
As I sit here and try to write I remember my mind goes blank. Is that normal? Over thinking, trying too hard to recall.
I’ve been to Canberra three times. I only remember once. It’s a strange feeling to be told you have been to a place in your past but have no recollection of it at all. Even worse when photographs containing you are shown in front of famous landmarks of Canberra and still no memory of the event.
My mind works like a little movie sliced into segments when I think of events from my past. Holidays at Evans Head, Riding my brothers BMX on the beach, paddling up the river in the canoe.
My childhood is a happy one from memory leaving in the mornings at the weekends to do whatever I wanted from riding my skateboard in the school grounds to going down the river and exploring, long before the days of ‘unsafe to do anything alone’ I don’t ever remember feeling unsafe as a child we were always taught not to talk to strangers and I remember once a man tried to lure my friend and I into his car with lollies telling us he was a friend of my mums. I remember running as fast as I could to my Nanna’s house and telling her what happened by the time she got out the front the car was driving off around the corner. Did I potentially cheat death or sexual assault of some kind that day?
I remember walking to school with my brother, not knowing how to tie my shoe laces and so just wound them up around my legs like ballet shoes tucking the ends into my socks. They fell down onto the wet grass and my brother chastised me for being stupid and then tied my shoes for me, showing me what to do ‘for next time’
Christmas was always exciting as a child, the ritual of Christmas eve and the ‘must go to church’ I hated church, all the standing up and sitting down, the Shhh and not allowed to talk – not even whisper! Being dragged to ‘confession’ a few days prior so we could absolve our sins and be allowed to go to communion. My cousins and I would compete to see who got the most ‘Our Fathers’ and ‘Hail Mary’s’ by making stuff up in the confessional. The more lies told in there the more ‘pennant’s we’d have to pay!
Waking up Christmas morning to see what ‘Santa’ had brought being excited to un-wrap gifts from under the tree, spending time with extended family, and more gift unwrapping. Playing for hours with my cousins in the back yard of my grandparents, before coming home to play with the toy’s that where too big to leave the house like the year we got a trampoline.
I remember we never had Christmas lunch at my parent’s house – we always alternated between my mum’s parents and my dad’s parents. In 1999 when I was living in Brisbane I decided that, that year would be different – My brother and I would have Christmas at mum and dad’s – so we invited all the extended family to my parents house – my mum’s side of the family, and my dad’s side – all converged on River street. I’m glad that it all came together as that was the last Christmas we had with my grandfather on my dad’s side- he died on the 31st of January 2000.
Photo’s are a key to your past to memories and moment of the here and now that once taken instantly become the there and then.
I remember a happy childhood filled with Christmas, and family gatherings, even if it meant having to go to church, and lying in competition to see who got handed the largest amount of pennants. Memories flood into my mind – but there again I’ve been to Canberra three times and only remember visiting once as an adult in 2006 – so my memory is clearly not very reliable.
Turning a section into a paragraph
This exercise sees me take a ‘slice’ of the above ‘I Remember’ and put more detail into it as a paragraph.
I remember the light shining though the stain glass window, throwing light onto the rich thick carpet like shadow puppets dancing outside.
The hard cold seat of the pew, various thoughts running through my mind as I waited my turn. Click the light went out and my cousin would step from behind the thick tapestry curtain.
I’d whisper ‘What did you get?’
He’d answer “Three Our Fathers, and Four Hail Marys’'
I’d step into the closet like booth that smelt like mothballs, and hear the click of the light go on outside allowing others to know the confessional was in use.
Then out would come the line ‘Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been 12 moths since my last confession” followed by my mountain of lies in hope that I could out do my cousin for the amount of pennants I’d have to do.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I remember list
So one of the tasks is the make a list of things that I remember mostly from my childhood in 5 minutes - short and sweet. So here it is
- Holiday's at the beach
- Breakfast with my Nanna
- Christmas as a child being more exciting than as an adult
- My parents putting in a swimming pool
- The first swim in the pool
- Summer days spent all day in the pool
- Family BBQ's at my Nanna's house up the road
- My first dog Zoe
- Various cats I bought home that I found
- Getting my first skateboard
- Weekends that never seem to end - riding my skateboard from dawn to dusk
- Hot chips from the shop around the corner
- Playing hand ball in the park across the road
- Playing 'Army', 'Doctor Who' or 'Starwars' in the back yard with my brother
- Running inside from hearing the theme to Dr Who and getting there in time to see Tom Baker's face fade off into the time vortex
- Watching Dr Who and getting excited if the episode had Darleks
- Teaching myself to play drums
- Spending every spare moment playing drums
- Hating school and the bullying I endured
- My mum coming to watch me perform at a concert and yelling out that's my daughter playing the drums
- My brother going to university in Brisbane and the house being different without him
- Failing my HSC and my mother crying over it
- Coming 2nd in the state for music (Drumming Major) in the HSC - but still failing overall
- Moving out of home on the day of my last HSC exam
- Coming home for x-mas
- Getting into computers
- Moving to Brisbane to study computers
- The anonymity that the city gave me
- New found freedom and loneliness of the city
- Standing on my own two feet
- Falling in love and have my heart ripped out
Monday, July 21, 2008
Hello and Welcome
Hi,
If you're reading this you either know me or you have simply stumbled across it via some sort of search.
I'm Sal - 1st year uni student about to undertake my second semester - Currently doing my major in writing. As part of my subject auto - biography writing - we have to keep a daily journal to just 'write' so this is my slice of 'writing' on the net.
Will I get to it every day - I highly doubt it - but I'll have a stab at least updating this once a week.
If you're reading this you either know me or you have simply stumbled across it via some sort of search.
I'm Sal - 1st year uni student about to undertake my second semester - Currently doing my major in writing. As part of my subject auto - biography writing - we have to keep a daily journal to just 'write' so this is my slice of 'writing' on the net.
Will I get to it every day - I highly doubt it - but I'll have a stab at least updating this once a week.
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