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Saturday, March 21, 2009

Writing from the edge piece

It's 'long' however it's well short of the recommended 'word count' of 1,500 words!
I'm going for 'quality' not 'quantity' ;P

Feedback very very welcome :)


I was influenced by several sources for my piece however three turned out to be more prominent.

Ken Bolton: Talking to you
Finola Moorhead: Nun
Chuck Palahniuk: Fight Club


After reading Ken Bolton’s reading from topic three called Talking to you, and the visuals he achieved along with Chuck Palahniuk novel Fight club in which he refers to the protagonist in third person “I am Joe’s deflated happiness”. Combined with Finola Moorhead’s Nun, with its constant repetition of the word Nun. I came up with a piece based on a combination influenced by Palahniuk’s third person, Moorhead’s repetition, and Bolton’s short sharp entries that allow the reader to visualise.

Techniques also used are
Subject matter: Migraines and their debilitating nature, causing a state of melancholy.
Narration is interchanged from: You and You are: which addresses the reader directly; To at the end I AM showing ultimate control of the situation.


If only relief was instantaneous, like flicking a switch.


Can you feel it?
That twitch in your neck
An invisible hand touching you?
Burning sensation like the sun bearing down
Sunburn, prickles, tingling,
Spreading up into your scalp
Like a head full of a lice,
Crawling, itching, alive.


Can you see it?
Flickering lights
Strobing, fuzzy lines
Dancing across your vision
White blindness like snow
Bright and unfailing
Losing your vision
Thrown into the unknown

Can you hear it?
High-pitched frequency
Cancelling everything out
Like a siren in your head
Screeching to a throbbing beat
A vice like grip
Makes you feel like
Your ears bleed

Can you smell it?
Crushed ants
Damp towels
Effervescent bubbles
Salicylic acid causes
Chemical reactions


Can you taste it?
Acidic bubbles
Lemon tang of aspirin
Tastebuds tingle
Fizzy cocktail
Fast release pain relief.
Gulped down quickly

Before all senses are lost…


You are Sally’s neck
Pain spreading like a virus, moving upwards

You are Sally’s tingling scalp
Crawling sensation, like in infestation of lice.

You are Sally’s burning eyes
Fire like sensation, trapped within the retina.

You are Sally’s impaired eyesight
Flickering light like a disco Tec

You are Sally’s white blinded vision
Convulsions affecting the optic nerve.

You are Sally’s eardrum
Pounding to the rhythm of a vice being tightened slowly

You are Sally’s olfactory gland
Filled with the smell of crushed ants and wet towels

You are Sally’s medicine cabinet
Drugs fill the shelves like books in a library

You are the hissing of Sally’s aspirin
Effervescent bubbles try to escape over the edge.

You are Sally’s taste buds
Lemon tang multi strength Aspirin

You are the crinkle of Sally’s Panadine Forte packet
Escaping into her hand, before launching into her mouth.

You are Sally’s head
Trapped, in a vice like grip with pressure building.

You are Sally’s curtains
Drawn to help, eradicate the light.

You are Sally’s stomach
Churning from the nausea.


I AM Sally’s Migraine
Bringing a halt to life
For an extended period of time
Not allowing normal function
Without pain and misery
Without hearing or sight



I AM a blight on Sally’s existence.

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