Eight year old self

A friend of mine posted an old school photograph on Facebook the other day. Mr Boyd’s Grade 3 Class. I was eight years old, and terribly in love with Natasha C (I won’t put her last name on here) and it made me think, knowing what I know now. If I could go back and give advice to my eight year old self, what would I say. Other than the most obvious things most people would do such as invest in companies such as Microsoft, Yahoo, Google, basically the ‘internet’ in general. I’d tell myself that if I wanted to be that Architect that I dreamed of being when I was young, that hard work would enable me to become one. Computer technology is the future – more so than the commodore 64 computer and that video game design is a ‘job’ in the future with more advanced graphics than our Atari!

I’d tell my young self that family is the most important thing in life. I’m blessed with a good one, and that true friends are the ones who will drive five hours to be by your side. That ‘friend’ in particular I should tell them how I really feel before the opportunity passes forever. I’d tell my young self to appreciate and take more time with my family members especially my grandparents as they won’t be around forever. Be ‘sponge’ like around my grandfather as his knowledge is by far the most plentiful you’ll ever experience for a long long time, and his knowledge is free and from the best source of all love.

But most of all I’d tell my young self not to be afraid of the feelings I had for girls. That there’s nothing wrong with liking your best friend who’s a girl, and that society will be much more supportive of its gay citizens in the future.


After this ‘advice’ I think I’d like to visit my grandparents and know them as the adult I am today, spend time with them when they where ‘young’ but most of all – I’d tell my parents that whilst life was at times very financially strapped for them they did a wonderful job with their two children and they will go on to be successful. Though I’d probably stop at letting them know their son is a successful Doctor who is happily married with kids. And their daughter – she’s finally following her dreams of writing, perhaps she’ll never pay the bills with it, but at least she can say she achieved it.

So for those reading this - I ask you to write an entry on what you'd tell your eight year old self with the knowledge you have at this very moment in your life. Send me a link, I'd love to read it.

A book of clichés

Do you remember the first time someone not related to you told you they loved you? I remember as if it was yesterday. The person in question stopped kissing me, pulled away and looked me in the eye and said ‘I love you’ My heart leapt into my mouth, I was left speechless, I didn’t know if I should say ‘I love you too’ as a response, so I said ‘oh!’ Yes that was my response to the first time someone who was not related to me told me they loved me. I was 19, and I answered with ‘Oh!’

It’s strange to have someone tell you they have this strong affection for you, and are prepared to express it. I think I messed with Karma that evening when I didn’t answer back. I did eventually tell them I loved them, which at the time I did. However since then my relationships have been, well, unbalanced. Robbie Williams wrote a song called ‘Feel’ in which there is a line that goes ‘Before I fall in love, I’m preparing to leave her’ That line pretty much sums me up (and I wonder why I’m single!)

To allow yourself to love someone is to allow them in, to open yourself up to that person, and trust them in ways you reserve only for your close friends and family. Sure I love my friends, but it’s not an ‘in-love’ love. The kind that fills your veins with passion and desire. Of lust and a fog that prevents you from seeing disaster of having your heart broken unfolding before you.

If I was to go with that whole analogy of ‘is my cup half empty or half full’ scenario – which I never understood when I was younger! Perhaps if my glass is half full I’ve just not found the right one to love yet. A classic cliché of glass half full attitude – the ‘best is yet to come’ ‘There’s someone out there for everyone’ I could write a book containing many clichés but I won’t.

Air-conditioning

Whoever invented air-conditioning - I thank you, actually I bow down to you for this invention. Australia is known for it's beaches, poisonous snakes and spiders *actually insert list of dangerous animals here.....* and of course the weather.

However today is an exception. This past week we've had shit weather - Monday raining, Tuesday overcast, Wednesday sunny, Thursday see wednesday, Friday sunny. However today Saturday it's hotter than the pits of hell... well maybe that's a slight exaggeration, as I'm not sure just how hot the pits of hell are, in fact as a non religious person I've just used an example of something that I don't actually acknowledge exists! Anyway.... it was bloody hot today! Not only was it hot temp wise but there was also a strong 'wind' blowing from the west which when you live on the east coast of Australia means 'hot air' coming from the centre of the country that has a great big bloody orange rock in the almost centre of it. (I can totally picture people getting out their little atlas and having a look at the map of Australia now!) Centre of Australia = Large rock and desert which makes air 'hot'

Anyway back on topic. Air-conditioning inventor person (note the 'non gender specific as I'm not one to assume a gender in which invented this miracle) The miracle that turned the 41c to 33c in a matter of a hour (Sorry I haven't a clue what that transfers into Fahrenheit) All I know is that my air-conditioner was a welcome relief. It's only the 2nd week of November! Summer dosen't start officially until the 1st of December. I shudder to think what the temperature is going to be like this summer if today is any indication! We've fucked this planet - Global warming will send us the way of the dinosaurs!


That's all I've got. I'm off to melt some more

Treatment continues

Beetroot red would be a way to visualise my mothers breast from the radium. Treatment causes a ‘sunburn’ like effect on the skin however the sunburn you think about when you turn a pinkish colour from when you’ve been out in the sun too long is nothing compared to the crimson colour her skin is after her second week of radium treatment.

I asked her to describe the pain she felt, and she answered that it's like pins and needles that are on fire! Hearing that and seeing the redness of her skin gave me a reality check – I’ll think twice next time before I complain of a headache or some minor ache or pain – as someone out in the world has it worse then I do.

History unfolding before me

I was fortunate enough to finish work early yesterday to make it home in time to see Barack Obama’s full acceptance speech. It was history in the making and even though I’m not a citizen of America – I am a citizen of the world. I for one am happy America voted for Obama. He was the right candidate for the job, and I feel he will do his utmost to assist not only his country, but the world in getting back on track. Come to think of it, if you want to be really simplistic – it will be nice to see the leader of the ‘free world’ with a brain!

Whilst I sat and watched Obama speak to the world, and watch history unfold, it made me stop and think what other milestones I’ve witnessed, not all first hand and live, but I remember thinking at the time – this will be a historic event.

I’ve compiled a list of things that I’ve experienced in my lifetime i.e the ones I remember! I’ll be showing just how ‘old’ I am from this list!

VHS outdoes BETA in VCR technology
Cassette tapes, and ‘walkmans!’
Commodore 64 computers
Atari’s
Rainbow Warrior Sunk
Soviets nuclear disaster at Chernobyl
Halley's comet
Compact Disk technology
Nasa’s Challenger shuttle explodes
Berlin wall comes down
Pro- Democracy rallies in Tiananmen Square
Exxon Valdez runs aground
Hillsborough disaster
Personal computers for ‘home’ use released
The internet made available for public use
Iraq attacks Kurds in Northern Iraq
Gulf war begins
Hubble Telescope launched
Microsoft releases Windows 3.1 (This was the OS on my parents first PC – it had 4mb of RAM!!!)
Mobile phone technology
Search engine Google is founded.
DVD technology
Nelson Mandela is elected President of South Africa
Duke Nukem 3D Shareware released to public (I loved this game!)
Bill Clinton becomes the 42nd President of the United States
Tony Blair becomes Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
Mother Teresa dies in Calcutta
Diana Princess of Wales is killed in a car crash
Nelson Mandela retires
September 11 attacks
United States invasion of Iraq due to an imminent threat from weapons of mass destruction
Columbine high school shootings
The Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrates upon re-entry
Human Genome Project
Saddam Hussein is captured by U.S. forces
London bombings
Virginia Tech Campus shootings
Terrorist attack on Glasgow Airport
Kevin Rudd becomes Prime minister of Australia (Thank god!)
Australia’s new PM says ‘sorry’ to the stolen generation
World financial crisis
Barrack Obama becomes 44th president of the United States

Life writing results

I surprised myself! I managed to get a distinction on my life writing story about living in Brisbane! I received the mark today and was ‘Holy fuck! a distinction!' (I actually said that out loud to myself!) So to say I’m happy right now is an understatement – However happiness can’t remove the feeling I’m suffering at the hands of a nasty virus, that I’ve got which is making the room spin on me, and feels as though I’ve swallowed fire. (I’ll spare everyone the list of other symptoms I’m suffering!) Unfortunately it takes an age to get an appointment with the Doctor in town, (2 week wait!) so I’ll stick it out, if it’s not improved by next week I’ll see about seeing someone about it. Brilliant grammar there! Though if it is a virus, there's sweet FA I can do about it other than to wait it out.

That’s it from me

Old writing

So a while ago I mentioned that I found an old book of poetry and a journal when I was packing up my stuff to move. I had time to have a proper look at it today and decided to share one of the pieces on here.

Reading it now eight years later, I was quite clearly in a place of sadness and confusion, when I wrote this. I recorded quite specific details of the date which included the day, year and the time. There’s no title to this piece, however this is what I wrote on Monday the 19th of November 2001 at 11:51pm

This sadness engulfs me like a wet blanket on a cold and rainy day
Black clouds smother me and every time I try to take a breath, it feels tighter
Will this feeling change like the weather does?
Will these emotions I’m feeling clear?
When will a new bright sunny day appear to take away my darkness, and the sadness that engulfs me like a wet blanket on a cold and rainy day.