Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Woe is me

Why is it that my best moments of clarity re a story line etc come to me when I have no access to a pen to write them down? I get some of the best story arcs etc when I’m driving, or I’m in the shower. Both situations where writing the thoughts down is a little difficult.

I feel as though I’m in this place full of fog right now, and I’m just not sure which direction I should turn to face to lead me to a clearer view of the situation.

I’ve got about 50 ideas for the story I want to write for this years Nanowrimo, but when I lay in bed at night and think of the ways I could put them together they just seem to fall short, and seem well boring.

Is that my problem? Am I too hard on myself? Me hacking on me before I’ve even pushed past the starting line? (Great grammar there!) I’ve doomed the trip before the voyage has even set sail? Fuck there’s the cliché’s once again!!

If I’m honest with myself I think I’m just mentally exhausted from Uni this year, with a whole load of other stuff going on at the same time, I need a confidence boost, that what I’m doing here will mean something in the end, and I will get a job I *like* not just slot back into the same schedule of 8am to 5pm Monday to Friday in a job I despise getting out of bed for, and one that drives me to drink each evening.

I took a gamble and left full time employment to goto Uni, because it was something I wanted to do I’ve always had a passion for writing, and when an opportunity falls in your lap of an degree in writing, well I’d have been on that ‘if only I had’ merry-go –round had I not taken the opportunity when it was offered up to me. So I re-reading that statement alone, I am at least confident in the choice I made to goto Uni :) (Yay Sal!)

What does the future hold for me? I honestly don’t know. I hope the future enables me to finish my degree, get at least ONE book published in my lifetime, and to be happy in the job I get out of bed each morning to attend. Dream job, would be something with books, anything from a librarian, through to the jacket cover writer for people much more established in the world of publishing than I am right now.

I suppose that’s all life is really? One large challenge of self confidence, until you die.

That’s all I’ve got.


ScoMan said...

When I'm laying in bed at night I have all these fantastic ideas, and then I wake up in the morning and start trying to piece them together and they're not so fantastic.

If it's confidence you need..

Go Sal! Go Sal! You can do it! In fact, you're the only one who can do it! You'll get like 11 out of 10!

A little over the top? =p

Seriously though, you are awesome, and I believe you can achieve anything you want, because you're motivated. And motivation is all you need.

Hillbilly Duhn said...

I do that to myself. Focus on piecing together all the ideas, or am somewhere that I can't write them down. And once I start writing, they seem to either fall short or just run out. Hubs tells me I need to stop trying to please myself, and work more at pleasing what a reader might feel. And I always say, if I can't feel it, then the reader can't feel it. He always shakes his head and tells me i'm trying too hard.

But we expect more of ourselves then others might. The way of it all I suppose.

I like your blog. Thanks for stopping by and following mine. I enjoy your thoughts.

quillfeather said...

I enjoyed this post because I can relate hugely to how your feeling.

If writing never presented difficulties everyone would have written a book. Think of yourself as a little bit 'special'. After all you have the drive and perseverance where others have fallen by the wayside.

Keep it up! All the best.