Why is it that my best moments of clarity re a story line etc come to me when I have no access to a pen to write them down? I get some of the best story arcs etc when I’m driving, or I’m in the shower. Both situations where writing the thoughts down is a little difficult.
I feel as though I’m in this place full of fog right now, and I’m just not sure which direction I should turn to face to lead me to a clearer view of the situation.
I’ve got about 50 ideas for the story I want to write for this years Nanowrimo, but when I lay in bed at night and think of the ways I could put them together they just seem to fall short, and seem well boring.
Is that my problem? Am I too hard on myself? Me hacking on me before I’ve even pushed past the starting line? (Great grammar there!) I’ve doomed the trip before the voyage has even set sail? Fuck there’s the cliché’s once again!!
If I’m honest with myself I think I’m just mentally exhausted from Uni this year, with a whole load of other stuff going on at the same time, I need a confidence boost, that what I’m doing here will mean something in the end, and I will get a job I *like* not just slot back into the same schedule of 8am to 5pm Monday to Friday in a job I despise getting out of bed for, and one that drives me to drink each evening.
I took a gamble and left full time employment to goto Uni, because it was something I wanted to do I’ve always had a passion for writing, and when an opportunity falls in your lap of an degree in writing, well I’d have been on that ‘if only I had’ merry-go –round had I not taken the opportunity when it was offered up to me. So I re-reading that statement alone, I am at least confident in the choice I made to goto Uni :) (Yay Sal!)
What does the future hold for me? I honestly don’t know. I hope the future enables me to finish my degree, get at least ONE book published in my lifetime, and to be happy in the job I get out of bed each morning to attend. Dream job, would be something with books, anything from a librarian, through to the jacket cover writer for people much more established in the world of publishing than I am right now.
I suppose that’s all life is really? One large challenge of self confidence, until you die.
That’s all I’ve got.