When should I feel like a grown up?

I sometimes wish that ‘uni mode’ was like a dome that moved down over your head (Kinda like those dryers old ladies get put on their heads when they are getting a perm) So that you a) you knew it was time to work hard and b) others around you knew you were in ‘uni mode’

I need that old lady dome bubble thing to descend upon me right now to literally give me a kick in the arse and get me into UNI MODE. I start back at Uni tomorrow and I’m still in holiday mode. Today I fucked about playing PS3 game demo's and watching Lost S5 and Skins S4. Both the aforementioned activities will NOT help me get my uni degree!

As you know I went to Brisbane in the week. I’d love to say I did this and that – but in reality I hooked up with two people whom I have a ‘friends with benefits’ scheme with and well had a lot of sex! I did manage to collect my mum and my aunt from the train station on the Thursday and take them both to see Cliff Richard and The Shadows perform live. (My mum is an epic fan of Cliff’s) I however love The Shadows and as a young self taught drummer. I listened to Brian Bennett (He’s the drummer) from The Shadows. So to see him perform live was one of the highlights of my life thus far.

Seeing Brian perform live made me want to buy another drumkit and get back into playing. (I sold my old one to pay the rent back in 2003) But then I think to myself for what? Every time I’ve been in a band we ALWAYS loose the bass player, either they have a ‘spaz’ and leave or they die *literally* (That’s another story!) I even contemplated getting an electronic kit which allows for 500+ different sounds to be played, it also allows for headphones so only I can hear what I’m playing (It’s never good to annoy the neighbours too much) But then reality hits me once again and I think to myself. What the fuck are you thinking? You’re too old for this shit grow up!. Speaking of growing up. (What a lovely segue there!)

It’s my birthday tomorrow. As previously stated in a post a few weeks back I will accept all gift vouchers any of you would like to bestow upon me ;) It is after all the thought that counts.

Regarding my birthday... I’m at a loss as to when I’ll be ‘grown up’? Do you hit a certain age , then think, right I’m a adult now? Because I don’t feel any different to when I was say 17 I was into movies, music, TV, video games, girls, and pissing about. The reality of it however is I’m NOT 17 any more. Whilst I know I’m much more mature than I was at 17. My mind still gets a kick out of slaying zombies in video games, and doing nothing all day other than lazing about watching TV like a teenager! (Maybe it’s mature ages Uni Student syndrome!)

So that brings me to the following question. At what point are we suppose to be ‘grown up’ Does it have to come with marriage and children? Because if it does, I’m never going to be grown up as I a) Don’t want to get married (Besides the fact that I legally can’t in Australia) and b) I have NO desire to have children. Does this mean I’ll be on here in 20 years time celebrating another birthday all excited that I got a special limited edition of the ‘retro’ Tomb Raider game? Or saying things like "I remember way back when Survivor first started in season one." As it celebrates its 250th season!

I’m getting older physically (which sucks in itself some days) but mentally I still dig Doctor Who as much now as I did as a seven year old, and I honestly can never see that changing (Unless they bring back Colin Baker which would majorly suck arse! Google him - he (Colin Baker) killed Doctor Who until McCoy bought it back from the dead!

So as I contemplate another change of the numbers that represent the time of my existence on this planet. I hope some of you can answer my question of ‘when should I feel like a grown up?’

That’s all I’ve got.


** As a footnote**
I'm the guest blogger over at Scoman's blog today. Please check my entry out, and also Sco's blog. He's as #rad as I am :P

Sunday.... The day in which we do nothing

See the title of this blog. That sums up my day.

I didn't edit today. I just wasn't in an editing place. I'll get back into it tomorrow though I did play a marathon on Tomb Raider on my PS3 :)

Today I

Woke up
Got the Sunday paper
Went shopping for groceries *shudder*
Came home and unpacked aforementioned groceries
Sat on the couch and read the paper while consuming a cup of tea
Read some of another book I have to read for this semester.
Made notes on the book I just finished reading
Pissed about with paypal and online banking
Made my computer crash several times
Installed a new anti-virus software (Though I'm thinking it's already infected)
Checked my bank account balance by phone (To make sure no bastard hacks into my account via the net!)
Discovered I have a higher credit limit on my credit card, than actual money in the bank!
Sold Two books to Scoman from my list I'm trying to flog - I mean 'sell'
Spoke to my new neighbour who seems like a nice girl (Married though)
Played WAY too much Tomb Raider on my PS3
Walked the dog after my PS3 marathon!
Got home in time before the sky opened and rain poured out quite quickly
Made up some salads (Chinese noodle, and a apple and celery one) for the week
Consumed salads with cold meat for dinner
Ate ice-cream
Fed the dog
Wrote this blog

Exciting times my life. It's nice to have a day where you do nothing. I generally shop on a Sunday morning early or late on a Tuesday night (I know I'm odd!) But it's the time with the least people around. You get in and get out. I don't 'linger' in the shopping center (I know I'm a girl who isn't into the 'shopping' thing!) I list shop as I'm on a budget, but there's always room for chocolate biscuits no matter HOW impoverished I am!

So that's my Sunday. Tell me about yours - link to your blog in the comments and I'll have a read.

Storm is swinging around for a second go. So I'll get this posted and shut down my already shagged PC

That's all I've got.

Forward or back?

I was watching flash forward on Monday night and it made me think. If you were given the opportunity to get a glimpse into your future would you? What if the flip side of the coin enabled you to go back and give advice to your younger self, would you take that option? Which one would you choose, forward or back?

The going back option comes after spending the weekend with my parents and helping my mum clean out some of the boxes we pulled down from their roof space (Americans would call it an attic) to allow the insulation people to do their thing this week (Install insulation!). In amongst this stuff in the ‘attic’ was old shit from my school days including a letter my mum had written in relation to a dispute I’d had with a teacher when I was 13. (I don’t have any real memory of this, however she filled in the blanks he was a very vindictive person, and basically had it in for me.) This lead my mum to tell me a story of how ‘happy’ I was as a young child (At primary school) and once I started high school and was unfortunately exposed to this ‘evil teacher’ who sucked out my soul and made me angry, bitter and suicidal. My life was altered.

I asked her if she had her time again what she would have done (with the knowledge she has now) she said she’d have either moved me schools or she would have requested I be placed in a different class away from this particular teacher.

Hindsight allows us 20/20 vision – someone smart came out with the description of the way we look at our past mistakes and if only we were given another chance at them how we’d handle them differently.

Would I go back and offer my younger self advice to perhaps steer me into a brighter future? My head says yes, but my heart says no. I’m the person I am today because of the life I have lived thus far. I’ve learnt plenty of life lessons from the path I’ve been on thus far. If I was to change one point, then others would fracture off and may never happen. My brother for instance may not have married the girl he did and I wouldn’t have the two beautiful nephews I have today if I was to change something from my past.

Which brings me to the future. If offered the chance to glimpse your life 10 years from now. Would you? My answer is yes. I’d love to know what the future holds for me, if anything to allow an ease to the pressure I feel in my life right now. Has my degree helped? Am I working in a job I’m happy in? Or am I miserable or maybe even dead?

We can’t change out past, nor can we change our future, even if we were granted the gift to see into it. I’m a firm believer that everything does happen for a reason, and once your number is up it’s up. Some of us live a long life, others short – but that’s just how it has to be. I’d be happy to make it to 50. I don’t however want to be old old (80+)

It breaks my heart each time I go to see my Nan in the old age home. She doesn’t know who I am anymore, she’s delirious in dementia. I have no idea what goes on her in mind, but she is aware she’s safe, and to her that’s was all that ever mattered. When she was living in her own home, she knew eventually the day would come where she would have to go into a care facility, and she always said she didn’t mind as long as she felt safe, that was all that mattered. Some days I’m the nurse who fetches her a drink, other days I’m someone who reminds her of her youth. I’m no longer Sal her granddaughter though, as for her, that moment, that experience, that memory of the event of being a Nanna is yet to happen.

Glimpse your future? Or advise your past? You decide

That’s all I’ve got.