The Urban Dictionary defines friendship as:
A relationship between two individuals that share a mutual bond of trust and liking as well as commitment and personal feelings and experiences, which allows them to benefit from each other.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friendship
A friend of mine called me to day to let me know I’d been ‘dropped’ by a mutual friend. Why I can hear you ask? Because I’ve not seen him in ages. i.e I’ve not been around to his house, not been to the pub, not been in a physical social setting with him for almost 12 months. Therefore this means that I am no longer his friend.
After I stopped laughing for a good minute I then asked phone friend was he serious> He replied with: ‘Are you going to his party tonight?’
My answer: No I didn’t get invited’
His response: Well then I’m serious.
So a few mixed emotions ran through me at this point, like ‘what ever, meh, fuck him and I don’t really need this shit’ THEN Phone friend (Who was on my side) asked me ‘what has he who shall not be named done for you in the last 12 months?’
I thought about it, and I was like well he’s sent a few text messages to me, the odd e-mail but that’s about it. Phone friend continued and you what have you done for him? I answered with I’ve phoned him several times to just have a chat and say hello, I’ve sent return txt messages and e-mails etc. I sent him a card for his birthday – the usual things I do for friends why?’
Phone Friend: So what are you getting out of the friendship with this person (If you can’t tell by now Phone friend is a psychologist.)
I paused thought about it and answered honestly. Well to be honest nothing, all I ever get is him bitching at me that I never visit, or I don’t go to things that our mutual ‘group’ goes too, usually because it’s on a night I’ve got something else on!
‘Phone Friend’ (PF) – Well don’t worry about it then
Me: I didn’t’ say I was worrying.
PF: Oh you didn’t either.
Me: So are you going to his party?’
PF: No I’m not
Me: Better watch out you don’t get removed from the ‘friend list’
PF: If he wanted to dump people who go out of their way to be nice to him all because they’ve not shared the same room in 12 months he can go fuck himself!
Me: Thanks
PF: No that’s what I said to him when I told him I wasn’t going to his party!
Me: (Laughing) One thing about you at least you’re honest.
Which brings me to the pettiness of this situation. I’ve thought about it a little this afternoon and I can’t help but come back to the same question. How old is this man? I mean he’s carrying on like he’s fucking thirteen years old! Yet in reality he’s a lot older than that!
So as I sit in my air-conditioned comfort and download game demos on my new PS3. I’ll knock over some zombies in Left 4 Dead 2 and enjoy my Saturday evening ‘party free and demanding friend free’
That’s all I’ve got.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A slice of honesty
I watched a Youtube video (Vlog) the other day in which the vlogger stated they were so happy to have their best friend’s support. The best friend in question was someone he’d never meet (IRL) living on the other side of the world.
Don’t get me wrong – I’ve met a lot of people thanks to the internet, some of whom I’m friends with i.e we e-mail, talk on the phone, send one another birthday and Christmas card etc. But some of these friends I’ve NEVER MEET in real life. (Real life, where you have, physically shared, personal space!) Some of the friends I’ve made online I’ve meet in real life, and thus they fall into the category of friends I meet via the net. (I’m not into putting my personal relationships with people into categories! I’m simply making a point of categories for this blog!)
Anyway… Out of the friends I’ve made online I’ve have varying relationships with. Some I’ve shared flats with, others I’ve slept with, some I just talk on the phone occasionally, others it’s only contact via the net through e-mail, and msn etc. The point I’m getting to is that I wouldn’t call any of them my best friend.
Best friend, is well something you find in a playground with children who put their friendships into different levels and award those ‘better’ than others the tag / label of ‘best friend’. Of all my friends I have I don’t have a ‘best’ one. They are all equal to me, they all represent something unique, thus the reason I’m friends with them, but none are ‘better’ than the other, and therefore I do not have a ‘best friend(s)’ I just have a group of close friends, and those who ‘know’ my name. (Does that make sense).
So back to the original topic I started out on. How can someone be a ‘best friend’ if you’ve never actually met them? When you have a RL friend, it different to the relationship you have with those you’ve never met. It’s those little things that you get from personal space contact that make your friendships in real life differ to those on line, the way someone looks at you when they talk can’t be replaced by a smiley in an e-mail. Nor can that sense of reality you get from someone when you see them, read their body language etc, be replicated online.
Which brings me to the following explanation. I meet a girl online years ago now, we chatted online, swapped e-mails, spoke on the phone etc and I ‘really’ liked her, but when I finally got to ‘meet’ her in real life, she wasn’t what I’d built up in my mind – (I did know what she looked like – this is not some vanity thing!) Her mannerism, the way she spoke when she was off guard, her blatant view on certain topics (You know the kind their opinion and thought are the ONLY correct one) It's these things that you can’t pick up over the phone, or the net. It’s that in the flesh connection, which makes me well scoff at these people who try and tell me their ‘best friend’ is someone who lives in another country and they have never met them, but they are like their bestest friend ever!
Some could look at this as ‘oh but he’s young’ Fuck that excuse! Everyone is ‘young’ at some stage in their lives, it’s the experiences we go through that make us the people / adults we are today. This oh but S/he is young is wearing a little thin as an excuse for ignorance. Step outside your front door, experience the world and base friendship and trust on MORE than a pleasantly rehearsed e-mail or a very controlled phone conversation!
I like all the people I’m friends with (That’s kind of an obvious statement as I’d not be friends with people I don’t like, but I’m sure you know what I mean!) I like and enjoy the ‘exchange of communication’ I have with online friends who I may or may not have met, and those who have to put up with my ugly mug in real life those pre internet friends.
Break out the ‘what you see is what you get friend’ That’s what the world needs more of.
That’s all I’ve got.
Don’t get me wrong – I’ve met a lot of people thanks to the internet, some of whom I’m friends with i.e we e-mail, talk on the phone, send one another birthday and Christmas card etc. But some of these friends I’ve NEVER MEET in real life. (Real life, where you have, physically shared, personal space!) Some of the friends I’ve made online I’ve meet in real life, and thus they fall into the category of friends I meet via the net. (I’m not into putting my personal relationships with people into categories! I’m simply making a point of categories for this blog!)
Anyway… Out of the friends I’ve made online I’ve have varying relationships with. Some I’ve shared flats with, others I’ve slept with, some I just talk on the phone occasionally, others it’s only contact via the net through e-mail, and msn etc. The point I’m getting to is that I wouldn’t call any of them my best friend.
Best friend, is well something you find in a playground with children who put their friendships into different levels and award those ‘better’ than others the tag / label of ‘best friend’. Of all my friends I have I don’t have a ‘best’ one. They are all equal to me, they all represent something unique, thus the reason I’m friends with them, but none are ‘better’ than the other, and therefore I do not have a ‘best friend(s)’ I just have a group of close friends, and those who ‘know’ my name. (Does that make sense).
So back to the original topic I started out on. How can someone be a ‘best friend’ if you’ve never actually met them? When you have a RL friend, it different to the relationship you have with those you’ve never met. It’s those little things that you get from personal space contact that make your friendships in real life differ to those on line, the way someone looks at you when they talk can’t be replaced by a smiley in an e-mail. Nor can that sense of reality you get from someone when you see them, read their body language etc, be replicated online.
Which brings me to the following explanation. I meet a girl online years ago now, we chatted online, swapped e-mails, spoke on the phone etc and I ‘really’ liked her, but when I finally got to ‘meet’ her in real life, she wasn’t what I’d built up in my mind – (I did know what she looked like – this is not some vanity thing!) Her mannerism, the way she spoke when she was off guard, her blatant view on certain topics (You know the kind their opinion and thought are the ONLY correct one) It's these things that you can’t pick up over the phone, or the net. It’s that in the flesh connection, which makes me well scoff at these people who try and tell me their ‘best friend’ is someone who lives in another country and they have never met them, but they are like their bestest friend ever!
Some could look at this as ‘oh but he’s young’ Fuck that excuse! Everyone is ‘young’ at some stage in their lives, it’s the experiences we go through that make us the people / adults we are today. This oh but S/he is young is wearing a little thin as an excuse for ignorance. Step outside your front door, experience the world and base friendship and trust on MORE than a pleasantly rehearsed e-mail or a very controlled phone conversation!
I like all the people I’m friends with (That’s kind of an obvious statement as I’d not be friends with people I don’t like, but I’m sure you know what I mean!) I like and enjoy the ‘exchange of communication’ I have with online friends who I may or may not have met, and those who have to put up with my ugly mug in real life those pre internet friends.
Break out the ‘what you see is what you get friend’ That’s what the world needs more of.
That’s all I’ve got.
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