The shit is falling on me from a great height :(
That GPA I was talking about the other week.... Seems that's not the only class I'm managing to fuck up! I submitted an essay for theories and text the other week. This subject is by far the hardest I've ever done, so I've put a lot of time and effort into it, trying to get my head around the theories in which this subject breaks down, things like, Identity, subjectivity, displacement, ethics, communication (Insert very long list of 'theories' in here - or Google Derrida, Foucault or Harraway that will explain a lot!)
With that in mind, I submitted my 'proposal' for what my major essay will be about. I got the mark back today. (I'll get the physical paper in my hand Thursday when I goto Uni) I got a pass - Take note of the (-) sign!! Which means... You passed, but only by a bee's dick! It's a 1/2 grade higher then a pass conceited which means (You're fucked, and you've failed!!) so I guess there's that... My biggest problem is... I put a lot into that paper, and I only 'just' passed it. This is not good :( If I fail this subject, well I'm fucked if I fail it.. I don't know what the fuck I'll do then. As it's one of a final two subjects for my writing degree!
All I can do now is wait and see what the lecturer wrote on the feedback and see what the fuck I'm doing wrong. Option One case scenario.. I just don't understand what I'm suppose to be doing. Option Two case scenario.... I'm just fucking stupid! (I'm going with option one) On a bright side... Yes there is light at the end of this dark theories tunnel. The final major essay isn't due for three weeks. SO in theory I can get feedback Thursday, speak to the tutor / lecturer if need be, and sort out my shit for the final assignment. Otherwise that PASS I was worried about in the Genre class with the lectures from hell will be nothing compared to this.
I'm out
That's all I've got.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Why are the shitty memories the ones that are always on replay?
I’ve got that suffocating feeling again, like I’m stuck in a deep pit, and while air is able to fill my lungs, the oxygen just isn’t travelling through to the rest of my body. This huge weight seems to be dragging me down, and the more I try to fight and pull against it the more I struggle.
I’ve came to a realisation today as to why I never complete anything. I get bored easily. If I’m lucky and can sneak into that forward propelling motion of achievement regarding getting an assignment done, then I often surprise myself by the amount of work I can get done in a day. Each time that happens, I think to myself – now if I could just do that more often, I’d have my stuff sorted out and I’d get more time to do what I wanted, instead of feeling like I’m chained to this desk, endlessly looking at information I really don’t understand, yet attempting to make it sound like I do.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want someone to just hand me my degree. I want to say I worked hard to get it, but some days, like today, I think to myself – what the fuck are you doing? Will this all amount to anything? Or am I just wandering off on a tangent of something that takes my fancy like I always do. I remember a ‘friend’ and I use that term very lightly, used to tell me I was the most indecisive person he knew. I couldn’t make a decision and stick to it. I disagreed of course, but that one comment of ‘you’re so indecisive’ has stuck with me, and I was told that over ten years ago, that now I’m beginning to think, was he right? (This ‘friend’ is now on the list of I’ll prove you wrong you fuck!)
Another moment of your mind fucking with you! Memories are great, but I seem to have the shitty ones on replay :(
That’s all I’ve got.
I’ve came to a realisation today as to why I never complete anything. I get bored easily. If I’m lucky and can sneak into that forward propelling motion of achievement regarding getting an assignment done, then I often surprise myself by the amount of work I can get done in a day. Each time that happens, I think to myself – now if I could just do that more often, I’d have my stuff sorted out and I’d get more time to do what I wanted, instead of feeling like I’m chained to this desk, endlessly looking at information I really don’t understand, yet attempting to make it sound like I do.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want someone to just hand me my degree. I want to say I worked hard to get it, but some days, like today, I think to myself – what the fuck are you doing? Will this all amount to anything? Or am I just wandering off on a tangent of something that takes my fancy like I always do. I remember a ‘friend’ and I use that term very lightly, used to tell me I was the most indecisive person he knew. I couldn’t make a decision and stick to it. I disagreed of course, but that one comment of ‘you’re so indecisive’ has stuck with me, and I was told that over ten years ago, that now I’m beginning to think, was he right? (This ‘friend’ is now on the list of I’ll prove you wrong you fuck!)
Another moment of your mind fucking with you! Memories are great, but I seem to have the shitty ones on replay :(
That’s all I’ve got.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
A quick test of your typing ability... with your eyes shut.
I was in the kitchen today making a cup of tea and my mum was typing an e-mail to which she said to me – I can’t find the L key it’s run away. My answer was third line down four from the right, as I continued to make my cup of tea, all in my stride, as though I was telling someone how to turn on a tap!
My mum then does the ‘wow that’s amazing I bet you could type with your eyes closed…… (You know where this is heading.)
So I had a crack at writing something, anything with my eyes closed.
This is what I managed to come up with (This is not edited in anyway, this is how it came out after typing with my eyes closed.)
This is me attempting to write with my eyes cloed. I’m not sure just how this will go, but I’m haing a crack.
Not bad really, when I think about it, a couple of typos there.
If someone asked me tomorrow, where is the N on a keyboard, I’d have to think about it, I know where L is because L is in Sal and I use L a lot, but N isn’t high on my list of characters I use every day. So I’d have to stop and think about it, visualise it in my mind. I know N is on the bottom row / or 4th line down, as I’ve just used the letter N a few times in that last sentence.
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this blog post now, as I just watched auto correct, correct a word I spelt wrong as I typed it. So maybe my ability to type with my eyes shut is really quite bad, and it’s the auto-correct that has got me over the line.
The researcher in me would state that I’d need to put in place the same sentence structure for each of you, so we all had to type the same thing, so we can evenly compare how we all type with our eyes closed.
Eyes closed typing and touch typing is different, as you’re watching the screen as you touch type (Which is what I’m doing right now) so you know if you’ve got the correct letters. Eyes closed though…. Totally different story.
So I ask you blog readers to ‘have a crack’ at typing with your eyes closed with the following sentence below, so we’ll all get the same results to compare.
*This is me attempting to write with my eyes closed. I’m not sure just how this will go, but I’m having a crack*
Stick em in the comment’s and no cheating.
That’s all I’ve got.
My mum then does the ‘wow that’s amazing I bet you could type with your eyes closed…… (You know where this is heading.)
So I had a crack at writing something, anything with my eyes closed.
This is what I managed to come up with (This is not edited in anyway, this is how it came out after typing with my eyes closed.)
This is me attempting to write with my eyes cloed. I’m not sure just how this will go, but I’m haing a crack.
Not bad really, when I think about it, a couple of typos there.
If someone asked me tomorrow, where is the N on a keyboard, I’d have to think about it, I know where L is because L is in Sal and I use L a lot, but N isn’t high on my list of characters I use every day. So I’d have to stop and think about it, visualise it in my mind. I know N is on the bottom row / or 4th line down, as I’ve just used the letter N a few times in that last sentence.
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this blog post now, as I just watched auto correct, correct a word I spelt wrong as I typed it. So maybe my ability to type with my eyes shut is really quite bad, and it’s the auto-correct that has got me over the line.
The researcher in me would state that I’d need to put in place the same sentence structure for each of you, so we all had to type the same thing, so we can evenly compare how we all type with our eyes closed.
Eyes closed typing and touch typing is different, as you’re watching the screen as you touch type (Which is what I’m doing right now) so you know if you’ve got the correct letters. Eyes closed though…. Totally different story.
So I ask you blog readers to ‘have a crack’ at typing with your eyes closed with the following sentence below, so we’ll all get the same results to compare.
*This is me attempting to write with my eyes closed. I’m not sure just how this will go, but I’m having a crack*
Stick em in the comment’s and no cheating.
That’s all I’ve got.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Writing exercise trying to get my confidence back
Hello readers,
I've written a piece in relation to a realistic image. Basically you had to find a 'realistic' image, and try to imagine what was happening, and construct a narrative around it. I've gone for First Person Point of View.
This was written this morning, after my massive kick to the guts re my confidence as a writer happened with the *pass* mark. So all feedback good or bad I'd appreciate.
Thank you
I scramble to position; deafened by the sounds of exploding mortar and gunfire surrounding me. My commander is on the radio ordering up an air strike, we’re coming under heavy fire from insurgents. The heat rises from the ground with the sand and dirt that are in my eyes, and its thickness get caught in the back of my throat. Just breathing feels like I’m standing looking into a glass furnace.
I thought I’d cope with the heat, being Australian, experiencing long hot summers of forty degrees and above. But this is not heat; this really is the fire pits of hell. The temperature soars up into the high fifties to low sixties degrees celsius daily. The sun burns downs on you like a heat lamp that has no off switch. There’s no escape from it, not even in the shade.
I can smell fear amongst us all. This is no training mission, this is real. The enemy on the other side want to kill us, and it has become a kill or be killed stand off over territory. They are cunning fuckers, they know how and where to hide, how to blend in to the surrounds. They appear to have infinite weaponry, and they hit hard and fast.
Our air strike will take most of them out, but waiting for air support will be by far the longest two minutes of my life. I can hear a whistling sound as a bullet comes far to close to me. I bunker down, regain my bearings, through the explosions and gunfire around me and fight it out.
That's all I've got.
I've written a piece in relation to a realistic image. Basically you had to find a 'realistic' image, and try to imagine what was happening, and construct a narrative around it. I've gone for First Person Point of View.
This was written this morning, after my massive kick to the guts re my confidence as a writer happened with the *pass* mark. So all feedback good or bad I'd appreciate.
Thank you
I scramble to position; deafened by the sounds of exploding mortar and gunfire surrounding me. My commander is on the radio ordering up an air strike, we’re coming under heavy fire from insurgents. The heat rises from the ground with the sand and dirt that are in my eyes, and its thickness get caught in the back of my throat. Just breathing feels like I’m standing looking into a glass furnace.
I thought I’d cope with the heat, being Australian, experiencing long hot summers of forty degrees and above. But this is not heat; this really is the fire pits of hell. The temperature soars up into the high fifties to low sixties degrees celsius daily. The sun burns downs on you like a heat lamp that has no off switch. There’s no escape from it, not even in the shade.
I can smell fear amongst us all. This is no training mission, this is real. The enemy on the other side want to kill us, and it has become a kill or be killed stand off over territory. They are cunning fuckers, they know how and where to hide, how to blend in to the surrounds. They appear to have infinite weaponry, and they hit hard and fast.
Our air strike will take most of them out, but waiting for air support will be by far the longest two minutes of my life. I can hear a whistling sound as a bullet comes far to close to me. I bunker down, regain my bearings, through the explosions and gunfire around me and fight it out.
That's all I've got.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Academic standing just went to shit!
Hello readers
I'm 'attempting' to graduate this degree with a grade point average of 4.0 and above which apparently translates to Credit grades and above. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo When I get a fucking piece of creative work back with a grade of 'pass +' Why the put the plus on it I've got no fucking idea as when the grades come out it's just a pass, credit, distinction or high distinction. So the + is well a waste of a character in my opinion.
This particular marker I have for this class... well lets just say we don't get on much! So when I found out that I had this 'tutor' again for a subject I originally thought 'Oh fuck' but they have been reasonable thus far, however my thoughts have just fallen back into the 'oh fuck' category after checking the online grades board this morning for my mark. (I'm awaiting the actual hard copy that will come with comments that we'll get next week)
Am I pissed off - You bet I am. I'm a 3rd year writing student, and I'm thinking my 'creative ability' has moved passed a fucking PASS grade! Sure my punctuation etc. is well shit-house, but I'll be fucked if there was enough punctuation errors in that 2,000 word piece to pull my marks down to a fucking PASS!!
If I don't manage to get a credit for the next three assessment due in this class (Which at this stage I'm thinking I've got FUCK ALL chance of that with this tutor!) My entire grade average will slip and that is going to fuck me right off.
See I'm applying for a postgraduate course at the end of this undergrad, and the grade point average matters when it comes to being accepted into these postgrad courses. If it all comes back to this one subject I'm going to be extremely pissed. It's all fine an dandy that this 'tutor' has a PHd (Yet has no books published!?! WTF is up with that) and now they control my future with their fucking pathetic grade which could be the make or break at this end stage of my writing degree.
I'll sit on my hands and wait, HOWEVER if the marks don't improve I'll be taking my work to a higher level and asking for it to be marked by someone else. As I have a feeling this 'tutor' does hold grudges which in my opinion is fucking ridiculous when you're making or breaking someone's career.
*Rant over*
I'll be spending today catching up on Uni work for the online forum stuff (Questions and response stuff) Before tackling the next big assignment due on the 30th of April.
Thanks for the vent followers.
That's all I've got
I'm 'attempting' to graduate this degree with a grade point average of 4.0 and above which apparently translates to Credit grades and above. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo When I get a fucking piece of creative work back with a grade of 'pass +' Why the put the plus on it I've got no fucking idea as when the grades come out it's just a pass, credit, distinction or high distinction. So the + is well a waste of a character in my opinion.
This particular marker I have for this class... well lets just say we don't get on much! So when I found out that I had this 'tutor' again for a subject I originally thought 'Oh fuck' but they have been reasonable thus far, however my thoughts have just fallen back into the 'oh fuck' category after checking the online grades board this morning for my mark. (I'm awaiting the actual hard copy that will come with comments that we'll get next week)
Am I pissed off - You bet I am. I'm a 3rd year writing student, and I'm thinking my 'creative ability' has moved passed a fucking PASS grade! Sure my punctuation etc. is well shit-house, but I'll be fucked if there was enough punctuation errors in that 2,000 word piece to pull my marks down to a fucking PASS!!
If I don't manage to get a credit for the next three assessment due in this class (Which at this stage I'm thinking I've got FUCK ALL chance of that with this tutor!) My entire grade average will slip and that is going to fuck me right off.
See I'm applying for a postgraduate course at the end of this undergrad, and the grade point average matters when it comes to being accepted into these postgrad courses. If it all comes back to this one subject I'm going to be extremely pissed. It's all fine an dandy that this 'tutor' has a PHd (Yet has no books published!?! WTF is up with that) and now they control my future with their fucking pathetic grade which could be the make or break at this end stage of my writing degree.
I'll sit on my hands and wait, HOWEVER if the marks don't improve I'll be taking my work to a higher level and asking for it to be marked by someone else. As I have a feeling this 'tutor' does hold grudges which in my opinion is fucking ridiculous when you're making or breaking someone's career.
*Rant over*
I'll be spending today catching up on Uni work for the online forum stuff (Questions and response stuff) Before tackling the next big assignment due on the 30th of April.
Thanks for the vent followers.
That's all I've got
Monday, April 12, 2010
I can feel a vent blog comming on
Watch this space :/
I'm back, and I'm 'calm' Here's what unfolded this morning....
So this morning….. My world was a huge pile of shit. Why? Because my father was in a ‘mood’ oh but wait I can hear you saying, doesn't your father live in a mood. Well this morning’s ‘mood level’ was turned up to fucking super fucked.
See if the free ADSL (it's my ISP contract, my modem, router etc) as opposed to the regular DIAL UP my parents have. If the ADSL internet doesn’t work in the 1.2 milli seconds after my father puts in the address he wants – then the entire thing is ‘fucked’ not worth a ‘pinch of piss’ and is consequently *My Fault* Yes Bloggers, clearly I have this ability to just chew up a box of staples and shit out a rescue disk (Not my quote that one, I worked with a guy in I.T who arrived with that gem one day and I thought it was brilliant) Anyway my mum tries to ‘calm’ the situation down by saying maybe the site he’s trying to access at the moment is down, or something. This makes no difference. Did you know there were two ants crawling across the floor!?! Yeah it was MY FAULT!!
I’ve calmed down significantly since this mornings ‘Watch this space’ post. If I’d have written what I was feeling then, well I think you’d have had to sift through a lot of the following words: Fuck, Fucking, Cunt, Fucker, Asshole, Prick, I’m sure you get the picture. Plus I know I already say fuck a lot in my blogs – but it takes a lot for me to break out the C word!! And I mean a lot.
My solution to the situation. I finished my assignment, and went out. I thought No Sal don’t bite, don’t let him get under your skin, just breathe, finish your assignment, go and hand it in and just move on. You’re the better person! (I know my self talking is quite supportive of me ;P )
Was there a solution to this you ask? There was.... My mum went nuclear on him, told him to pull his head in, that he got ‘fast internet’ for free while I’m here, and to basically shut the fuck up. Another reason why I love my mum.
That’s all I’ve got.
I'm back, and I'm 'calm' Here's what unfolded this morning....
So this morning….. My world was a huge pile of shit. Why? Because my father was in a ‘mood’ oh but wait I can hear you saying, doesn't your father live in a mood. Well this morning’s ‘mood level’ was turned up to fucking super fucked.
See if the free ADSL (it's my ISP contract, my modem, router etc) as opposed to the regular DIAL UP my parents have. If the ADSL internet doesn’t work in the 1.2 milli seconds after my father puts in the address he wants – then the entire thing is ‘fucked’ not worth a ‘pinch of piss’ and is consequently *My Fault* Yes Bloggers, clearly I have this ability to just chew up a box of staples and shit out a rescue disk (Not my quote that one, I worked with a guy in I.T who arrived with that gem one day and I thought it was brilliant) Anyway my mum tries to ‘calm’ the situation down by saying maybe the site he’s trying to access at the moment is down, or something. This makes no difference. Did you know there were two ants crawling across the floor!?! Yeah it was MY FAULT!!
I’ve calmed down significantly since this mornings ‘Watch this space’ post. If I’d have written what I was feeling then, well I think you’d have had to sift through a lot of the following words: Fuck, Fucking, Cunt, Fucker, Asshole, Prick, I’m sure you get the picture. Plus I know I already say fuck a lot in my blogs – but it takes a lot for me to break out the C word!! And I mean a lot.
My solution to the situation. I finished my assignment, and went out. I thought No Sal don’t bite, don’t let him get under your skin, just breathe, finish your assignment, go and hand it in and just move on. You’re the better person! (I know my self talking is quite supportive of me ;P )
Was there a solution to this you ask? There was.... My mum went nuclear on him, told him to pull his head in, that he got ‘fast internet’ for free while I’m here, and to basically shut the fuck up. Another reason why I love my mum.
That’s all I’ve got.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
200th post
This is my 200th post!
Way back in July 2008 I posted my first post in this blog. Now a year and a half later (Well close enough!) I'm writing my 200th post.
Will there be exciting revelation in this monumental occasion?
Ummm let see.....
I have brown hair and brown eyes.
I'm right handed.
I broke my middle toe on my right foot about 14yrs ago.
My favourite colour is blue
I have tattoo's
I want more tattoo's
I like Green Day.
I broke my right hand when I was 13 in a fight :( (It was self defence!)
I like strawberry milk / yoghurt / ice-cream.
Cliff Richard is my gay icon!! (Don't be dissin the Cliff!)
So..... How was that? Have you learnt something new? or will I be hearing from Sco saying. Blah tell us something we don't already know! Hi Sco, you know I think you're #Rad!
Technically I should be finishing up the assignment that is due tomorrow, however the 'Bogan' sized can of mother (It's an energy drink, like redbull) I drank this afternoon to 'perk me up' has kinda done the reverse of what it's suppose to do, and instead of waking me up and giving me energy, it's switched my brain to hibernate and I can't really concentrate on this assignment. **OR** maybe the Bogan has started to leech into me.... HELP!!!!!!!!!! *Sprays anti-bogan spray around*
**Please note a 'Bogan' is similar to a Chav in the UK, I'm not sure what the equivalent is in the states - maybe just 'stupid'!!
So in celebration of my 200th post. I give you this gem of an image: No it's not me - Pfff like that would happen!
This is my 'almost two' nephew, getting into the outdoor action. Which involves putting on the correct 'footwear' i.e boots... even if they are his dads :)
Way back in July 2008 I posted my first post in this blog. Now a year and a half later (Well close enough!) I'm writing my 200th post.
Will there be exciting revelation in this monumental occasion?
Ummm let see.....
I have brown hair and brown eyes.
I'm right handed.
I broke my middle toe on my right foot about 14yrs ago.
My favourite colour is blue
I have tattoo's
I want more tattoo's
I like Green Day.
I broke my right hand when I was 13 in a fight :( (It was self defence!)
I like strawberry milk / yoghurt / ice-cream.
Cliff Richard is my gay icon!! (Don't be dissin the Cliff!)
So..... How was that? Have you learnt something new? or will I be hearing from Sco saying. Blah tell us something we don't already know! Hi Sco, you know I think you're #Rad!
Technically I should be finishing up the assignment that is due tomorrow, however the 'Bogan' sized can of mother (It's an energy drink, like redbull) I drank this afternoon to 'perk me up' has kinda done the reverse of what it's suppose to do, and instead of waking me up and giving me energy, it's switched my brain to hibernate and I can't really concentrate on this assignment. **OR** maybe the Bogan has started to leech into me.... HELP!!!!!!!!!! *Sprays anti-bogan spray around*
**Please note a 'Bogan' is similar to a Chav in the UK, I'm not sure what the equivalent is in the states - maybe just 'stupid'!!
So in celebration of my 200th post. I give you this gem of an image: No it's not me - Pfff like that would happen!
This is my 'almost two' nephew, getting into the outdoor action. Which involves putting on the correct 'footwear' i.e boots... even if they are his dads :)
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